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AJ's        PAGE

Hello gang and welcome to the new readers

who subscribed this week.

I hope the impending storm set to hit the south again is kinder

than Katrina, it looks like Rita is packed full of destruction also.

Our prayers will be with all those in her path. Now it's time

to read on and find yourself a chuckle or two.

Thanks to:
Gauley – HCW – WilsonKKW – EJ Newberry – Ritewaysid

The Princess

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the Princess.
But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would - no matter what:
metal, wood, stone, you name it - anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day,
he announced a competition: Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel but, alas,
when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds
are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt but,
alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was went away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
 "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red with embarrassment. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess
and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

Answer: M&M's, of course,
they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!

What were you thinking, you perverts? Hehehe!

Fire Rescue

A ladder was placed against the bedroom window of a burning house,
and a young fireman rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see-through nightee.
"Aha," said he,
"You're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year."

"But I'm not pregnant," indignantly exclaimed the brunette.

"You're not rescued yet either."

IDIOT  

Young Jeb was on his way home from town when he saw a girl
from the next farm and offered her a ride.  Soon, they came to
a grove of trees, and she asked him to stop. Since he was bashful,
she took his face in her hands and kissed him. Then she asked,
"Do you want to go a little farther?"
He said, "Yep, Get up Betsy."

So they rode a little farther, and she asked him to pull up at another
shady spot.  Then she took one of his hands and placed it inside
her blouse and his other hand on her thigh, and asked.
"Do you want to go a little farther?"
Again he said, "Yep get up Betsy."

So, when they stopped at the third bushy place, she reached over
and opened his fly and took his pecker out.  She spread herself
before him and asked,
"Now do you want me to put it in for you?"
Jeb replied, "Yep.
My pappy would kill me if I came home with it hanging out."

THE TIE

Shortly after reporting to the 101st Airborne Division,
 we were ordered to fall out in our dress uniforms.
Only problem was, I didn't know how to tie a necktie.
So I asked the guy in the next bunk for help.

"Sure," he said. "Lie down."

Confused, I lay down on the bunk and he tied my tie.
"Sorry, but this is the only way I know how," he said.
"Comes from practicing on my father's clients."

"What does your father do?"

"He's a mortician."

GOLFER

A nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down outside
the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball
driven down his throat, was being treated.

"Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse,  asked the pacing golfer.

 "No.... "It's my ball."

NEIGHBORS

Two neighbors had been fighting each other forever.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So, Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.

After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard;
being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the big ole 18-wheeler.

"My new pet elephant," Bill replies solemnly.

 

PILOT & PHOTOGRAPHER

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned
to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised
that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown.
Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted,
"Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into
the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer,
"and make several low-level passes"
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer.
"I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

 The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

BREAKFAST TRUCKER STYLE

 A trucker stopped at a truck stop cafe and placed his order.  He said,
"I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards."

   The new blonde waitress, to avoid looking stupid, went to the kitchen 
and said to the cook,
 "A guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards.  What does he think this place is;
.. a damn auto parts store?"

"Nope," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes,
a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and
running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Uh, OK!" said the blonde.  She thought about it for a second
and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the driver.
The trucker asked,
"What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might just as well gas up."

DEER HUNTERS

 A group of Newfoundland friends went deer hunting and paired off
in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back
up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they asked.

 "A tough call," nodded the hunter.
 "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

Oriental

A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful
Oriental prostitute and asks?

"Is it true Asian women have vaginas that run sideways?"

 "Why?" she asks,

"Are you a harmonica player?"

Just Checking

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress

and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits

of the deceased -- what an honest man he was, and what a

loving husband and kind father he was…Finally, the widow

leaned over and whispered to one of her children,

"Go up there and take a look in the coffin

and see if that's your pa."

Holding a Grudge

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people

mentioned in the will:

"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times,

as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked

after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her

the yacht, the business and $1 million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Fred, who hated me,

argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will -

well you are wrong……

Hi Fred!"

What a riddle

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,
and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,
and a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,
what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

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