MOSTLY ADULT JOKES AND HUMOR.
IF EASILY OFFENDED, LEAVE NOW !
IF UNDER 18 JUST GO AWAY,
and straighten up your room.

   "A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine


Many thanks to
Trish, Tootsie, K1mmm, Heartlast, MrVegas,
for contributing to the content of today's page

  A brand new weekly issue 
will be online every SATURDAY.

Next  SATURDAY

Lyle'sPage

Good day to you all and a special welcome to all those
new subscribers that showed up over the last two weeks.
We will continue to make every effort to bring you a
 few laughs to start each week, and, from time to time,
maybe a not so politically correct item or two.
Nothing earth-shattering . . . just a few chuckles
to bring a smile to your soul  and lighten
the routine burdens of the day.
Your comments are always welcome
and contributions of your  favorite
 jokes and cartoons for sharing,
 are most appreciated.
AJ

                                       Lady Lynx

MEANINGFUL QUOTES

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
Marie Curie

Worrying about something that may never happen is
like paying interest on money you may never borrow.
Unknown

Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones.
Tim McCarver

Happiness is a way station between too little
and too much.
Channing Pollock

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times
the same good things for the first time."
Nietzsche

If you treat every situation as a life-and-death matter,
you’ll die a lot of times.
Dean Smith

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work,
so most people don't recognize them."
Ann Landers

The best place to find a helping hand
is at the end of your own arm.
Swedish Proverb

You give 100 percent in the first half of the game,
and if that isn't enough, in the second half
you give what's left.
Yogi Berra

Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer."
Muhammad Ali

Just because a man lacks the use of his eyes
doesn’t mean he lacks vision.
Stevie Wonder

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
Richard Bach

I am always doing things I can't do;
that's how I get to do them.
Pablo Picasso

"Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere."
Chinese proverb

It’s how you deal with failure that determines
how you achieve success."
David Feherty

Advice is what we ask for when we already know
the answer but wish we didn't.
Erica Jong

 What is the difference between a non-Jewish woman
and a Jewish woman?

       A non-Jewish woman urges her husband to take Viagra.
       A Jewish woman urges her husband to invest in Pfizer.

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, EH???
WELL HOW ABOUT THIS:

February 1865 is the only month in
recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals
have been domesticated.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you
will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Two men were talking.

So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month,
but not enough to live on!"

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What's brown and often found in children's underpants?

 Michael Jackson

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson

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A guy races into the men's toilet, burns up to the urinal,
whips out his twelve inch dick and says with a sigh of relief,
"Phew, just made it."

The guy next to him looks over and says, "No Shit, can you
make me one too?"

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Thought for the Day

For most men there are three stages of hair:

parted, unparted and departed.

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A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired
two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Helloooooooooooooooooooo" answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked
if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please." She said.
"I could never eat twelve pieces."

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A Chinese guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars
and asked the teller
"Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen -
today I get a hunat eighty?"

The teller says - "fluctuations"

The Chinese guy says "fluc you white guys too"!

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There may be some things better than sex,
and some things worse than sex.
But there is nothing exactly like it.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital
for an examination of his circulatory system. 
When he got home, his wife asked
what had happened.

He replied,

"They worked this gadget into my artery and up
into my heart, and then they sucked out
thirty years of chocolate cake."

"If that hairpiece makes you feel 20 years
younger, you better wear it to bed tonight!"

Joyce was really embarrassed and said to her husband,
"I'll never go anywhere again with you as long as I live."

Mark wanted to know what he did to cause such an outburst?

"You asked Mrs. Johnson how her husband was standing the
heat...and he's been dead for two months!"

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady
while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.
He inquisitively asked the lady,
"Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,
"Is it a good baby?" She said,
"Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"

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Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck
and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris
came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris,
"My wife Sadie visits me three times a day.  
She's so good to me.  
Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

       "What does she read?" asks Morris.

       "My life insurance policy."

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Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, 
but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt 
that buttons down the back?

 THE END

HUNK

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

Look for a NEW issue every
  SATURDAY 

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.
Just say who the joke or 'toon is for. . .
  LYLE  or  AJ
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"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO I MAY PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

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ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore

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