MOSTLY ADULT JOKES AND HUMOR.
IF EASILY OFFENDED, LEAVE NOW !
IF UNDER 18 JUST GO AWAY,
and straighten up your room.

"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today! "


Many thanks to
Heartlast, DennyAT, Trish, Philalakes,
DZEE, Heartlace7, Tootsie
for contributing to the content of today's page

A Brand New Issue
Online Every WEDNESDAY.

                                       Lady Lynx

GREETINGS and WELCOME to all the new readers 
who joined us this past week.
This site contains MOSTLY ADULT MATERIAL. 
It is designed for an ADULT audience.
Nothing here is meant to offend any one!!
If you are easily offended, you may unsubscribe from 
the Reminder e-Mailer, sent to all who requested it. 
Use link above or that included with each Reminder.
We sincerely hope you will never have cause
to use either!
ENJOY

My brother dropped off his wife at the hairstylist and she 
was supposed to call me when she was ready to be picked up.  
She must have dialed a wrong number, she reported later.

She called, and a man said "Hello," 
to which she cheerfully said, "Come and get me!"

The man said, "Are you sure?  
This is Mitchell's funeral home."

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find 
his young wife in floods of tears. 

"Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! 
I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, 
and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. 
When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. 
"I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband.
"Don't cry.  We can get a new cat tomorrow." 

Grandma Needs A Pet  

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LIMERICKS

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
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MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead. 
Now it goes to school with her, 
Between two hunks of bread.  
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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun. 
Stupid Jill forgot the pill 
And now they have a son. 
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SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair. 
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, 
"What have you got there?" 
Said the Pie man unto Simon, 
"Pies, you dumb #$%!" 
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HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, 
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 
All the kings' horses, 
And all the kings' men. 
Had scrambled eggs, 
For breakfast again. 
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HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, 
All over the bedside clock. 
The little dog laughed to see such fun. 
Then died of electric shock. 
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GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, 
Kissed the girls and made them cry. 
And when the boys came out to play, 
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.  
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There was a little girl who had a little curl 
Right in the middle of her forehead. 
When she was good, she was very, very good. 
But when she was bad........ 
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

 "In high school, 
I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun.
  
That may not be impressive to you, 
but it was quite an accomplishment 
at the Hebrew Academy." 

A wife complains, 
"Our wall clock almost hit my mother on the head today. 
It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."

The husband mumbles, 
"That clock always was slow."

THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

Birds of a feather flock together 
and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the 
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say 
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave 
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then 
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house 
is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice:  
The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, 
you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, 
you have someone in mind to blame.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. 
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is 
that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: 
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together 
it spells "Theirs." 

The Nuns are coming! 

Two nuns decided to ride into town from the convent. 
They got on their bicycles and began their trip. Once in town, 
the nuns turned down an old, cobbled side street. 
The first nun says to the other, 
"I don't think I've ever come this way before." 

The other nun says, "Neither have I. 
It's probably the cobblestones!"

Zundell comes home from Yeshiva, and asks his father, 
"Papa what's fornication?" 

Papa gets embarrassed, and suggests 
Zundell should ask Mama.
 
Zundell goes to the kitchen and asks Mama,
"Mama, what's fornication?" 

Mama says, "Go and ask Bubby, (grandma) she'll tell you." 

Zundell goes to Bubby, and asks, 
"Bubby what's fornication?" 

Bubby  says, "Come here, Tatallah." (little one)
She leads him to her closet, opens the door, 
takes out a beautiful gown, and says,

"THIS, Tatallah, is foranoccasion.

There was a church that had a very big-busted organist.
 
Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled 
while she played, and they distracted the congregation 
considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.  
They said something had to be done about them or
they would have to get another organist.
 
One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to put
alum powder on them and maybe they would shrink in size.  
She agreed to try it.
 
The following Sunday morning, the minister got up on the pulpit 
and said, 
"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we 
will not hath a thermon tewday."

Bird Flu Update

The Centers for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms
of bird flu.  If you experience any of the following,
please seek medical treatment immediately:

1.  High fever
2.  Congestion
3.  Nausea
4.  Fatigue
5.  Aching in the joints
6.  An irresistible urge to shit
on someone's windshield

  
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

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BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore

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