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Trish, Heartlast, Reinbohntr, Paulette, DennyAT,
for contributing to the content of today's page

  A brand new weekly issue 
will be online every SATURDAY.

Next  SATURDAY

Lyle'sPage

                                       Lady Lynx

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Well, looks like spring has finally arrived. After all the wet
weather, the brilliant sun this past week or so, has brought 
out the blossoms on the shrubs and trees. It's my favorite time of 
the year here in South Jersey. It's sort of a rebirth and an indication 
that, for the most part, 'all's well with the world'.  I hope you all enjoy
the coming season and are able to take advantage of the wonders that
surround us. Pray for those not so fortuitously endowed.

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"I know what men want.
Men want to be really, really close to someone 
who will leave them alone." 
Elayne Boosler

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"I'm getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend, Bill.
"The wife hasn't spoken with me for six months."

Bill thought for a moment and then replied, 
"Just make sure you know what you're doing, Jack. 
Wives like that are hard to find." 

A husband suspects his wife is cheating on him.
Tactfully he asks, "Honey, I think I'm playing
second fiddle."

His wife replies, "Hey, with a flute like yours
you're lucky to be in the band."

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, EH???
WELL HOW ABOUT THIS:

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear 
until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age! .

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. 
Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word 
that ends in the letters "mt".
Aren't you glad you asked?

If you want a spouse who is smart, rich and devoted...
you're gonna have to get married three times.

The increased use of Viagra by seniors, created the demand
for a sexual lubricant to address the special needs of that
market.  The makers of K-Y were quick to develop one which
they marketed as...

"OIL OF OLD LAY."

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both 
go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, 
so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

The angel asks Dolly if there's a particular reason why she
should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, 

"Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts 
God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God
to be able to see them every day, for eternity." 
 
The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, 
shakes it up, and gargles. 
Then, she spits into the toilet, and pulls the lever. 
 
The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, 
"What was that all about? 
I show you two of God's own perfect creations, 
and you turn me down.
She simply gargles and she gets in. 
Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, 
"but even in heaven, 
a royal flush beats a pair, 
no matter how big they are."

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Jonny: "When my grandfather died he left us 500 clocks."

Friend: "I'll bet it'll take forever to wind up his estate!

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First Octopus: "What do you hate most about being an octopus?"

Second Octopus: "Washing my hands before dinner." 

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Q: What do you call ten Jewish women in a basement?

A: A whine cellar.

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Q: What is the technical term for an uncircumcised Jew 
who is older than 8-days old?

A: A girl. 

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"Michael Jackson was caught on tape saying he was
a virgin until he was the age of 32. I mean, is that
really shocking?

I mean, he was a black man guy 'til he was 35."
Jay Leno

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Harry goes up to a whore and says,
"How much for a blow job?"
She says, "A hundred bucks."
He tries to talk her down, but she won't budge, 
so he agrees to pay the hundred.

Then he starts to jerk off.

She says, "What are you doing that for?"

He says, "For a hundred bucks, 
do you think I'm gonna give you the easy one".

Abe's son Morris arrived home from school 
puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.

"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," Morris said,
"I saved a dollar by running behind the bus 
all the way home!"

"Morris, you are a stupid boy!" said Abe, 
"You could have run behind a taxi 
and saved $12.00!"

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"What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher 
on the first day of the new academic year.

"He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"Gosh! . . . Now, the next question -
Any brothers or sisters?"

"One half brother and two half sisters."  

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Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth - 
why did you shoot your husband with bow and arrow?" 

Defendant: "I didn't want to wake the children"

I didn't say he was dumb!
I said he was 20-years-old before 
he could wave bye bye.

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HOW THE JEWS GOT THE 
TEN COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, 
"I have  Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord said,  "They are rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shalt not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So he went to the Blacks and said, "I have  Commandments."

And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,  "Honor thy Father and Mother."

"Father? We don't know  who our fathers are."

So He went to the Mexicans and  said, "I have Commandments."

And the Mexicans wanted an example, and  the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."

"Not steal? We're  not interested."

He went to the French and said, "I  have Commandments."

The French wanted an example and the Lord said,  "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery?  We're not interested.

He went to the Jews and said, "I  have Commandments."

"Commandments?" they said, "How much are  they?"

"They're free."

"We'll take  10."

 THE END

HUNK

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On The Jersey Shore

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