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AJ's        PAGE

Hello Gang! I hope things are good in your world. 

I've been having golf withdrawal cause it's still hot and

 dry here in the Midwest. But today brought a bit of relief 

in the form of much needed rain and a bit cooler. I can't

 go out in the mid 90º range cause it makes me ill

 so I must wait for cooler days. It is cooler

 at the bar though! LOL

Read on my friends and enjoy!

Thanks to:
Ritewaysid – Nancy – Hoefer - Kathy L - Big Joe

ASIAN

An Asian man was trying to exchange yen for dollars 

and asks the American bank teller, 

"Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen - 

today I get hunat eighty?

The bank teller says, "Fluctuations." 

The Asian man says, 

"Fluc you white guys too!"

GOVERNORS

   The governors of Alabama, South Carolina, Arkansas, 

Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they

 have made disturbing discovery in their states. 
   Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls.  The result is 

not pretty and the governors now have the sad task of reporting 
the emergence of a new race: Islamabubbas.   

So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, 

but Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work 

trying to isolate and seal them off.

To date, the Coalition has identified the following offspring:   
Mohammed Billy Bob Abaah
Bubba Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba      
Bubba Bobbie Joe

Bubba Amgood Ata
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin Dare Dunda

   Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have sprung 

from one couple: ……………  Mohammed Whoozyadaddy 

and Yomamma Bin Lovin.

Moonlighting

An RV’er in a motor-home got hopelessly bogged down 

in an unexpected muddy hole along a dirt road. After a few 

minutes, a passing farmer drove by on his tractor and offered 

to pull him out for only $20. After the motor-home was back 

on dry ground, the RV’er said 

to the farmer, 

"At those prices, I bet you're pulling vehicles out of this mud 

day and night." 

"Can't," replied the farmer.  "At night I haul water for the hole."

The good ol' days

A couple of elderly RV’ers who'd recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary were sitting on the sofa in their Airstream-motor-home, when the wife said, 

"Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"
 He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used 
to hold me tight?" 

He reached over and held her tight. 

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to 
hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" 

With that, her husband got up and started to walk 
toward the rear of the motor home. 

"Where are you going?" she asked. 

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth." 

DRUNK

A drunk turned to a woman sitting beside him at the bar and said; 

"Drinking makes you look beautiful, darling." 

She looked a little surprised and answered,

 "but I haven't had a drink yet." 

He smiled and replied, 
"No, but I have!"

WHY ME

I was sitting outside one cloudy day, reminiscing on all the bad 
luck I was having. Everything was going wrong. Feeling bad, 
I looked up to the heavens with outstretched arms and said

 " Why me, Lord, Why me. All of a sudden there was a clap of 
thunder and a bolt of lightning, and as the clouds parted, 
a booming voice came down from the sky, and said 

"Because, there's something about you that just pisses me off"

FLIGHT #293
A plane was taking off from the airport.
After it reached a nice cruising altitude, the captain
made an announcement over the intercom,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
 Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to
Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and we should have
a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax ----  OH MY GOD!"

Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier,
but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a
cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap.
You should see the front of my pants!" 

A passenger in Coach said to the person sitting next to him:
"That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

SISTER SHIRLEY

That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband

to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked he

where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night

with her sister, Shirley."
"So?" the friend replied.
 "So, she's a liar.   I    spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

(ED: I always wondered what the view was from his perspective)

GOOD ADVICE

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives,

they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are

able to fit onto the bus.  So, the husband and the blind man decide
to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the

ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it

on the sidewalk, and says to him,

"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?

That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of

YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Chicken sandwiches (OLDIE BUT GOODIE)

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school

and became friends. Every day they would sit together

to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed

that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said,

"Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

  "Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said

"Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said,

"That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he

brought peanut butter.

He said to the little girl,

"I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches,

I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you!

You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!!

START EVERY DAY OFF WITH A SMILE, AND GET IT OVER WITH! 

On a Lonely Island 

A guy is stranded on an island with only
a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather

is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months

he gets lonely...  The pig starts to look more and more attractive -

soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this

poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the

 Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.

Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon,

so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy,

cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman,

unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her

into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.

Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him

"Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know

how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you,

anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says,

"Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

Dog Cloning   
(jakesjokes)

South Korean researchers have become the first scientists 
to successfully clone a dog.   The Korean team admits 
they weren't trying to achieve a breakthrough; 
it's just that a few extra friends came over for dinner 
and they needed seconds. 

DISCOVERY LANDS   

(jakesjokes)

The Shuttle Discovery is set for a pre-dawn landing after a 12-day mission.  NASA scheduled the landing before 6 AM because it wants to capture as much of President Bush's attention before "Barney" starts on PBS.

DIPLOMAT

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time 
was being wined and dined by the State Department. 
The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods 
(french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) 
and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul 
to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, 
Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, 
but then came the time when he returned empty handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" 
demanded the diplomat.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," 
stammered the wretched Abdul, "

A man is sitting on the well!"

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