Many thanks to all and special thanks to
 AngieOBri, Trish, Tootsie, K1mmm,
 SheriBeinBaddd, Terrygray11
  for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC.
The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up,
strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands,
using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly
thorough job. As he was drying his hands
(with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced
to no one in particular
"At Harvard, I learned to be clean and sanitary."
 
The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and
scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water
than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. 
As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular,
"At Yale, I learned to be clean and sanitary,
but I ALSO learned to be thrifty
and environmentally conscious."
 
The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and
ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself,
"In kindergarten, I learned not to piss on my hands."!

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'
    
'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.. '
    
'I am 96' said the old man.' I don't want an erection.
I just want it sticking out far enough
so I don't pee on my slippers!



NEW STUDY

A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is
commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.

Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from
ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease,
research indicates.

Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover
from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.

Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney,
pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer.

And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold,
and reduce global warming.

In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier,
more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger
King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kream.

Do you know  why?
When a woman  wears a leather dress,
A man's  heart beats quicker,
And his  throat gets dry,
He goes weak  in the knees,
And he  begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder  why?

It's Because
she smells  like a new
Truck.



One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.

One blonde said, "A tan for 2 please!"

The cashier said, " Ok," and asked,
"are you two sisters?"

They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

Wally's Wedding Night

At 78 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding
she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is
concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself
if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed
and the expected 'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally,
her 78 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride,
and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock
on her bedroom door, and it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride,
bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it.....
Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a
25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other,
but as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him,
'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than
a third of your age who were only good once.
You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says,
'You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story:

Don't be afraid of getting old, 
senior moments have advantages.

Click Here :: Matchpractice Golf Game ::  





I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have 
chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things 
we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, and martinis into urine.
And, we're pretty damn good at it, too!!



HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for 
  $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the cold cream....... And that's how the fight started.



A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" he asked.

"That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer.
"I got laid when I was three."

"What? How did that happen?"

"How should I know? I was drunk."



I met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another.

I said,  "Let's go back to my place."

She said, "Oh, do you have cable?"

I  said, "No. But I have some old ropes
that should hold just  fine."



Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn,
licking his balls. One guy says to the other,
" Man, I sure wish I could do that".
The other guy says,
" Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

No matter what situations life throws at you... 
no matter how long and treacherous 
your journey may seem...  
Remember, there is always a light
at the end of the tunnel !!

Ethyl was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she
said, "but my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about
losing her hair."

"What do you mean?" the beautician asked.

"Well, I overheard her on the phone the other day telling
her best friend that she hoped she'd be balled soon."

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

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