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Tootsie, MRuss74101,Wisconsin illini, 
Irocksbbay, Nannalynda, Gramdoherty4 
for contributing to the content of today's page.

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"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

   


A notable gynecologist once said:

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.
It can be started with one finger.
It is self-lubricating.
It takes any size piston.
And it changes its own oil every four weeks.
It is only a pity that the management system 
is so fucking temperamental.  

Viagra 
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a 
spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful 
week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, 
the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, 
told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting 
was to have a quick contest. The theme: 

Viagra advertising slogans. 

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written 
for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. 
Slight variations were acceptable. 

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a 
Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were: 

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 

8. Viagra, like a rock ! 

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be. 

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper! 

2.. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! 

And the unanimous number one slogan: 

1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.
's new "Spread  the We


President Barack Obama's new 
"Spread  the Wealth" pencil sharpener. 
Every US taxpayer will be mailed one of these 
with the new 2009 IRS tax forms.
                             
Be watching for yours in your mail box, SOON !!! 

My grandmother died in the 60's, but her birthday is 
coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. 
The long walks we used to take to the store in town, 
the quarters she gave me for meaningless 
jobs like pulling weeds or washing the 
sidewalk as well as priceless pieces 
of life's philosophy.

Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, 
the jewel in the crown of grand motherly advice, 
occurred when I was only about 13. We were 
sitting in a park having just finished 
collecting some 40 soda bottles 
for the deposit money on a 
beautiful spring day. 

She told me that one day, I would find a 
wonderful woman and start my own family. 

'And always remember this thing,' she said. 
'Be sure you marry a woman with small hands.'

'How come, Grandma?' I asked her. 

She answered in her soft Irish voice, 
'Makes your dick look bigger.' 

... Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? 

" LORD MAKE ME KIND TO HELPLESS THINGS
THE BIRD THAT IN MY GARDEN SINGS

THE LITTLE DOG WHO CANNOT SAY
HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME,  LORD I PRAY

THAT I MAY SPEAK A KINDLY WORD
TO ALL THY CREATURES, BEAST AND BIRD

AND MAY MY TOUCH SO GENTLE BE
THAT THEY MAY FIND A FRIEND IN ME."
Author Unknown



Poor Box  

A married Irishman went into the confessional 
and said to his priest, 

'I almost had an affair with another woman.'  

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' 

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and 
rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as 
putting it in.  You're not to see that woman again.   
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and 
put $50 in the poor box.'
 
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, 
and then walked over to the poor box. He paused
 for a moment and then started to leave. 

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 
'I saw that.  You didn't put any money in the poor box!' 

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, 
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'





Joyce, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to 
fill a job opening.  After sorting through a stack of resumes she 
found four people who were equally qualified..  

Joyce decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.  
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. 
    
The day came and  as the four sat around the conference room table, 
Joyce asked, 'What  is the fastest thing you know of?' 
  
The first man replied, 'A  THOUGHT..'  It just pops into your head. 
There's no  warning. 
    
'That's very good!' replied Joyce.  'And, now you  sir?', 
she asked the second man. 
  
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink!  It comes and goes and
you don't know that it ever happened.  
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 
  
'Excellent!' said Joyce.  'The blink of an eye, 
that's a very popular cliché for speed.' 

She then turned to the third man, 
who was contemplating his reply. 
    
'Well out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house 
and on the wall there's a light switch.  When you flip 
that  switch, way out across the pasture the light 
on the barn comes on in  less than an instant.  
'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT 
is the fastest thing I can think of'. 
    
Joyce was very impressed with the third answer 
and thought she had found her man.  
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said. 
    
Turning to BUBBA, the  fourth and final man, 
Joyce posed the same question. 
    
Old Bubba replied, 
'After hearing the previous three answers, 
it's obvious to me  that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 
  
'WHAT!?' said Joyce, stunned by the response. 
    
'Oh sure', said BUBBA....  
'You  see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, 
and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could 
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 
I had already  pooped my pants.' 
    
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you! 



THE JEWISH BOARD OF DIRECTORS - 
Schwartz, Cohen and Ginsberg were all close friends since childhood. They decided they wanted to go 
into business together
Schwartz says, "OK! I'll invest $100,000." 
Cohen says, "I will go for $200,000". 
Ginsberg says, "All right, I'll put in $1,000." 

Cohen says, "If I'm putting in $200,000, I'll be 
the President and CEO of the corporation.

You, Schwartz, for your $100,000, 
you can be Vice President and CFO.

Ginsberg, for your $1,000, you will be our 
Sexual Adviser." 

Puzzled, Ginsberg asks Cohen, 
"What is a Sexual Adviser?"

Cohen replies, 
"When we want your fucking advice, 
we'll ask for it". 

Growing Tomatoes   

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, 
but couldn't seem to get them tomatoes to turn red. 

One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a male neighbor 
who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. 

The woman asked the gentleman, 
"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" 

The man responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my 
tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash. 
My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." 

Well, the woman was impressed,  so she decided to try doing 
the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. 

So, twice a day for two weeks she flashed 
her garden hoping for the best. 

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, 
"By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."



I ponder this thought...
 
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant,
all her female friends rub her tummy and say, 
"Congratulations";

but....
 
none of them rub your dick and say, "Well done!" ?

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene 
in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have 
not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.

A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, 
finding enough asses to fill the stable. 



 During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde 
was using the following password: 

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy 

When asked why such a big password, she said that 
it had to be at least 8 characters long.

Husband:  "Oh, come on."
Wife:  "Leave me alone!"
Husband:  "It won't take long."
Wife:  "I won't be able to sleep afterwards."
Husband: "I can't sleep without it." 
Wife: "Why do you think of things like this 
in the middle of the night?" 
Husband: "Because I'm Hot." 
Wife: "You get hot at the darnedest times." 
  Husband: "If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you." 
Wife: "If you love me you'd be more considerate." 
Husband:  "You don't love me anymore."
Wife: "Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight." 
Husband: "Please...come on." 
Wife: "All right, I'll do it." 
Husband: "What's the matter? Need a flashlight?" 
Wife:  "I can't find it." 
Husband: "Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!" 
Wife: "There! Are you satisfied?" 
Husband: "Oh, yes." 
Wife:  "Is it up far enough?" 
Husband:  "Oh!!!, that's good." 
Wife:  "Now go to sleep, and from now on 
when you want the window open, 
do it yourself!"

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God,
then we will be a nation gone under." 
                                                                                            Ronald Reagan

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

The Fleet