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"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

   
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside
who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,... .. "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,

"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' ..... Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday' ..... duuhhh!"





A little known fact... 
 
The first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974.
 
It took 100 years for men to realize
that the brain is also important!

Annual Physical
 
After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual
physical examination, the doctor said,

"You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory,
but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" 

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said.

She stepped out into the crowded reception room
and yelled out loud:

"Bob, do we still have intercourse?"

And there was a hush . 
 You could hear a pin drop.

Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told
you a hundred times....What we have is... 
Blue Cross!"

1909 FORD

 
THE YEAR 1909
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!  
The year is 1909.  
One hundred years ago.  
What a difference a century makes!  
Here are some statistics for the Year 1909 :

*********
The average life expectancy was  47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles
Of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the  Eiffel  Tower!
The average wage in 1909 was 22 cents per hour.
The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,  
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,
and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .
Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard. '
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair  once a month, and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza  
2. Tuberculosis  
3. Diarrhea  
4. Heart disease  
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of  Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind."
 
Eighteen percent of households had at least
One full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE !  U.S.A.  !
(Mainly because there was a firearm of some sort 
in almost every home! 
An armed society is a POLITE society!!)

I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself. From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD -
all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what America will be like in another 100 years.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND

This is an (allegedly) true story, proving how fascinating
the mind of a six year old is.
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs
to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying
to gather the building materials for his home. She read.
'And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said:

'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class:
'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...
'I think the man would have said -

'Well, I'll be fucked!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

Click here -> Best Card Trick Ever 

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I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're special

Every sixty seconds you spend angry,
upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness
you'll never get back.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God,
then we will be a nation gone under." 
                                                                                            Ronald Reagan

" WOW "

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The Fleet