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Many
thanks to
AngOBri, MRuss74101, K1mmm,
Trish, Irockblue,
for contributing to the content
of today's page.
Lady Lynx
"Start
every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
Larry
gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, said,
"Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replied, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of
tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis," he
said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said,
shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would an
accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his
penis?"
"Well . . . One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
and, lastly,
instead of you going out shopping,
you can stay right here at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
ITS ALL BEEN SAID BEFORE
"If you don't read the newspaper
you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are
misinformed."
Mark
Twain
Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
Mark
Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up
by the handle.
Winston
Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul
can always depend on the support of Paul.
George
Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his
fellow man .
Which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
G
Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves
and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
James
Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from
poor people
in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas
Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton
Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey
and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J.
O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic
Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving,
regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
Ronald
Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government
and report the facts.
Will
Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now,
wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J.
O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as
much money
as possible from one party of the citizens to give to
the other.
Voltaire
(1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics
doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles
(430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe
while the legislature is in session.
Mark
Twain (1866)
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
Unknown
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal,
with a happy appetite at one end
and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald
Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing
of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing
of misery.
Winston
Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist
is
that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark
Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of
folly
is to fill the world with fools.
Herbert
Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
There is no distinctly Native American criminal
class..save Congress.
Mark
Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward
Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas
Jefferson
The
redneck patient was being admonished by the doctor
at the local health clinic.
"Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, you
ain't to have no relations whatsoever!"
Pausing for a moment, the young patient replied,
"Okay, but what about friends 'n neighbors?"
Five
Simple Rules For Happiness
Free
your heart from hatred.
Free your mind from worries.
Live simply.
Give more.
Expect less.
We Do Things Differently Down South...
Louisiana:
A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in
Louisiana."
When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana
because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later
than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into
the store and said to his buddy,
"Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck
from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell,
but I got the license number.
Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
North
Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire,
pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded
to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and
was so curious, he turned around and went back.
He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the
flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they
tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the
back.
I never did understand it neither."
Kentucky:
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky
was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some
mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said,
"You graduated from the University of Kentucky
and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."
You
gotta love those Kentucky women.
One Sunday morning, a young woman who needed
forgiveness for her sins, came to a Baptist church.
She got up in front of the congregation and stated,
"Last week, I slept with a young soldier who picked
me up
at a bar and now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.
She
continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young
sailor,
but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!",
cried the congregation again.
"But
tonight, because I have come here and done my
penance, I will sleep with the Lord."
Before the congregation could respond,
an old drunk in the back yelled out in a clear voice,
"That's right momma, fuck 'em all."
A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her,
"How much?"
She replies, "$100 if I lay down,
but only $75 if you do me standing up."
"Why the difference in price?" he asks.
"It's my hairdresser's fee!"
Now
this is the verbal part of your employment test,"
said the interviewer.
"Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity
means?"
"Certainly," replied the applicant.
"It means I don't get the job."
"Frankly,
Gladys, you were one of the things I
didn't want to take with me!"
A
Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed
him
for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is
deaf. It was considered
an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the
first place,
since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be
able
to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper
about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his
attorney,
who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper:
'Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?'
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper
where the 10 million dollar is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back:
'I don't know what you are talking about.'
The attorney tells the Godfather:
'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about.'
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol,
puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says:
'Ask him again!'
The attorney signs to the underling:
'He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!'
The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind
the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!'
The Godfather asks the attorney:
'Well, what'd he say?'
The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the
balls
to pull the trigger.'
Don't ya just love lawyers?
A guy walks into a bar wearing a Baltimore Raven's jersey,
carrying a cat that also has a Raven's jersey on and
a little Raven's helmet on his head, too.
The guy says to the bartender,
"Can my cat and I watch the Raven's game here?
My TV is broke and my cat and I
always watch the game together".
The bartender replies,
"Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar,
but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the
cat
can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any
trouble
with you or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."
The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the
game.
Pretty soon the Raven's kick a field goal and the excited
cat
jumps up on the bar and walks down the bar
and gives everyone a high five.
The bartender says,
"Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"
The guys answers,
"I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years.
Hear
about the terrible thing that happened to Henry?"
one man in the country club locker room asked his partner.
"What?"
"He had a great round on Thursday, finished early,
showered,
drove home, found his wife in bed with another man, and
shot
them both!"
"Could have been worse."
"What do you mean?"
"If he'd finished early on Wednesday, he would have
shot me!
RIGHT WING LOVE DOLL
ANN COULTER
No pussy
Just one big Asshole
Little Pauly comes home with a note from the teacher
and shows it to his mother. The note reads:
"Pauly is an intelligent little boy but spends too
much time with girls."
The following day Pauly goes to school with a note from his mother to the teacher that reads,
"If you find a solution, please let me know. I have
the
same problem with his father."
A
woman calls her boss one morning
and tells him that she's staying home
because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a
weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
We
All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power,
the world will know peace."
Anon
AMERICA
The Land of The FREE
Because of The BRAVE
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BARNEGAT
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"OLD
BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ
Barnegat Sunset
BARNEGAT, NEW
JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore
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