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An elderly couple is in bed watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you." The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she gets out of bed, places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television,  placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand inside his pants. With a frown, his wife says,  "Gordon, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead!" Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive". "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$ 10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00." "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma." About Politics: I was not lying.  I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.  Richard Nixon Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the  lowest crime rates in the country  Mayer Marion Barry, Washington DC Walter Mondale:  "George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize."   George Bush:  "Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time." Bureaucracy is a challenge to be overcome by a righteous attitude, tolerance for stupidity and a bulldozer when necessary. A dentist noticed that his next patient, an  elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her  a little joke as he put on his gloves.    Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked  "No, I don't" she replied. "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them in boxes of the right size."        She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried,"  he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion  of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.  What's so funny?" he asked. I was just picturing how condoms are made!"  she said.        Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working.   A man had just finished reading the book Man of the House while riding the commuter train home from work. When he reached home, he stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing his finger in her face, he said, "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax.  And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to  dress me and comb my hair?" His wife thought for a moment and responded,  "The funeral director would be my guess." Have you ever wondered just how your computer works? Well ... It's finally explained here in one,easy to understand illustration:    This should clear it up nicely for all of you who have been wondering how a computer works! WOULD YOU REMARRY?? Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do" WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND : "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "shit." "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common, Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'Opposites Attract.' He wasn't pregnant and I was." Free choice is everywhere; freedom from consequences is nowhere.  Thoughts About Having a Beer Belly An old farmer once told me  that "when you have a really great piece of equipment,  you should build a shed over it."   "It's all coming back to me now,"  Tom said, as he spit into the wind. Well, It must be someone's birthday ! See you in December

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BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore