Lady Lynx

 

 

Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, 
“I’ll bet you don’t even know what day this is.”

“Of course I do,” he answered, as if he were offended, 
and left for the office.

At 10 A. M., the doorbell rang, and, when the woman 
opened the door, she was handed a dozen long-stemmed red roses.

At 1 P. M., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her 
favorite chocolates was delivered.

And at 4 P. M., a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman rushed up to her husband when he came home.

“Thank you so much for the flowers, the chocolates, 
and the dress!” she exclaimed.

“You’ve made this the most wonderful 
Columbus Day of my entire life!”

I came home one night and my wife was crying.

I said, "What's wrong?"

She said, "I'm home sick."

I said, "This is your home."

And she said, "Yes, and I'm sick of it."

 

 

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex
 
    A below par performance is considered damn good.

    You can stop in the middle
and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

     It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

      Foursomes are encouraged.

      You can still make money doing it as a senior.

     Three times a day is possible.

      Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

      If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

     You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
        And the number one reason why golf is better than sex .

      If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

CLEVER INSULTS

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself
and let the sap run out?"
            Groucho Marx

What you said hurt me very much.
I cried all the way to the bank."
            Liberace

"Why are we honoring this man?
Have we run out of human beings?"
            Milton Berle

"You're a parasite for sore eyes."
            Gregory Ratoff

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
            Groucho Marx

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide:
your absence."
            Ashleigh Brilliant

I've just learned about his illness.
Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
            Irvin S. Cobb

If you ever become a mother,
can I have one of the puppies?"
            Charles Pierce

"I never liked him and I always will."
            Dave Clark

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor;
which is probably more than she ever did."
            Groucho Marx

"He hasn't an enemy in the world -
but all his friends hate him."
            Eddie Cantor

YOUR HEART

Here are the latest exercises approved
by the Heart Association to keep
your heart pumping normally

CLICK EACH
(Allow time for exercise to load)

Exercise 1   Exercise 2   Exercise 3   Exercise 4   Exercise 5  

A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted
for the fifth time!  She said to the dentist,

"These STILL don't fit!"

"Well," said the dentist,
"I'll do it again this time, but no more.
There's no reason why these shouldn't fit your mouth easily."

"Who said anything about my mouth?"
"They don't fit in the glass!" she scolded.

"I assure you, he doesn't learn that sort of thing at home."


Miriam was bragging to her next-door neighbor, Esther,
about her son, a college student.
"Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him
we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," Esther said. 
"Every time we get a letter from ours, we have to go to the bank!



Two patients limp into two different medical clinics 
with the same complaint. 
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement. 
The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day
and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
 
The second patient sees his family doctor after waiting a week
for an appointment, then waits six weeks to see a specialist,
then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month
and finally has his surgery scheduled
for three months from then.
 
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Golden Retriever.  The second is a Senior Citizen.

Having a "special place" to hold your putter

. . .  PRICELESS !

 

A lady called a music store about a recording, but dialed wrong
and connected with an auto mechanic instead.

She asked, "Do you have two lips and seven kisses?"

He said, "No..But I have two balls and seven inches."

She responded, "Is that a record?"

He said, "No...But it's a damn good average"

Jack hadn't been to a class reunion in decades.  When
he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized
a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and
extended his hand in greeting, saying,
"You look like Helen Brown."

"Well," the woman snapped back,
"you don't look so great
in blue !"

"SURPRISE!"

Morris was waiting nervously in the examination room
of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor.

"My local General Practitioner, Dr.  Cohen."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor.  "What a waste of time. 
Tell me, what sort of useless advice did Cohen give you?"

"He told me to come and see you."

If you sometimes get the sudden urge to run around naked, 
DRINK SOME WINDEX! 
It will keep you from streaking.

click for Archives
Use your BACK button after viewing, to return to the main page.
DON'T GET X'd OFF SITE

A Jewish boy came home from college and sat down
to have a heart-to-heart talk with his doting mother. 

"I've got some good news and some bad news," he said. 

"The bad news is that I'm a homosexual."

"Oh, no!" his mother exclaimed.

"Before you faint," the son continued,
"the good news is I'm in love with a doctor."



Misc Truths
- -
At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us,
"Always try to keep the number of landings you make
equal to the number of take offs you make."
-
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
-
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
-
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know
your way around, you're not going anywhere.
-
God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.
-
I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
-
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause 
he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth
and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer
asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh, I don't care." said the waiter with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."



"Oil has fallen to $60 a barrel.
Experts predict it will continue to fall until exactly one minute
after the polls close on November 7th."
--Jay Leno

Asked what he planned to do with his life,
 now that he's been forced to resign from Congress, 
Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) responded:

"My hope is to turn over a new page."

The president of Venezuela called Bush the devil. Then the next day,
he called him a cowboy.   President Bush was upset and said,
'He's making it really hard for me to choose my Halloween costume.'"
--Conan O'Brien

 

to all, for the material YOU send, for others to enjoy.
We always start reading mail from our subscribers first
and select from them as much as possible.
Many items received are "repeats" and have already
appeared here. Don't think you are being ignored
if it seems that what you send does not wind up in print.
Issues are made up in advance, so it could be weeks
before your item appears online, and your name
listed as a contributor.
We appreciate everything you send our way
and thank you for taking the time to include us
in your mailings.

 

IF YOU SUPPORTED  BUSH, 
A YELLOW RIBBON WON'T MAKE UP FOR IT.
THEY ALL LIED, AND NOW YOU KNOW IT !

A lie would have no sense unless 
the truth were felt to be dangerous.
Alfred Adler

A patriot must always be ready
to defend his country against his government.

The tragedy of modern war
is that the young men die fighting each other -
instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals.

 

 

Click here and then on the fists
RELIEVE YOUR STRESS..lol.
http://www.toddalbert.com/files/images/bushsmack.swf

Use your BACK button after viewing, to return to this page.
DON'T GET X'd OFF SITE

      
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

 

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

 

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

     

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

   . . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . .   

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore