Many thanks to all and special thanks to
Tootsie,  AngOBri,  Trish, K1mmm, EWalds8131, 
Perilpurple,  Terrygray11,
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.



A little boy goes to his dad and asks,
'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money,
so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs,
so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying,
so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room
and sees that his mother is asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
The door is locked, so he peeks thru the keyhole.
He sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words
what you think Politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep shit! '

How do we know the Cinderella story
was written by a woman?

Because if it was written by a guy, the prince woulda fucked her
till 12 and then she would have turned into a pizza.



An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. 
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

A survey of Jewish Men

5,807 Jewish men were asked to complete a survey 
on what they liked best about 'Oral Sex'

3% liked the warmth
4% enjoyed the sensation 
93% appreciated the silence!

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said,
"We've been married twenty-five years, and every night
my husband has complained about the food.
Not one night without complaining about the food."

The other woman said,
"That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

The first one said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like
his own cooking?"

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most
adorable little girl, with golden blonde curly hair and the
biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel,
and was just delightful.
The woman said,

"What are you supposed to say sweetheart?"

The little girl looks up at the woman and says

"Twick or Tweat!"

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls
her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child,
"Go ahead honey say it just one more time."

Once again the little Angel looks up and says,

"Twick or Tweat!"

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is
just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from
the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it
into the little girl's Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up
at the woman and says,

"Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking cookies!"



TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY
WHEN USING THE "F' WORD WAS APPROPRIATE

#10 - "Scattered f___ing showers, my ass!" - Noah 4314 BC

# 9 - "How the f___did you work that out?" Pythagorus, 126 BC

# 8  - "You want THAT on the f___ing ceiling?"  - Michelango, 1568

# 7 - "Where did all those f__ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

# 6 - "It does so f___ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

# 5 - "Where the f___ are we?" - Amelia Earhard, 1937

# 4 - "Any f___ing idiot could understand that!" - Einstein, 1938

# 3 -  "What the f___ was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

# 2 -  "I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in my head!" - JFK.1963

# 1 - "Aw c'mon, who the f___ is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with a piranha?
A: I don't know, but it's your last blowjob.



About Irishmen

If it was raining soup,
the Irish would go out with forks.
-
You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.
-
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke,
but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
-
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is;
not even the Irish.

About Friendship

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-
Money can't buy friends,
but you can get a better class of enemy.
-
We English are good at forgiving our enemies;
it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.
-
Between men and women there is no friendship possible.
There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
-
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
-
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors,
and also to love our enemies; probably because
they are generally the same people.
-
I got a lotta best friends.
Some o' them I don't even hardly know!
Archie Bunker 
-
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbour.
-
I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.
-
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
-
I have lost friends, some by death,
others through sheer inability to cross the street.
-
Money couldn't buy friends,
but you got a better class of enemy.
-
I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends—they're the ones
that keep me walking the floor nights!
-
A friend who is near and dear may in time
become as useless as a relative.
-
A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute.
He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

About Retirement

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous.
When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns
-
What do gardeners do when they retire?
-
The company accountant is shy and retiring.
He's shy a quarter of a million dollars.
That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle



How do you get a man to lift a feather duster?
Put it on top of the remote control.



A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.
He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and
a birdie the second. On the third hole he had
just scored his first ever hole in one when
his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been
in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and
that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up
he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be
his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in
a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up finishing all eighteen. He finished his
round shooting a personal best 61 shattering
the club record by five strokes and beating
his previous best game
by more than 10.

He was jubilant, then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty
he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor
and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted,
'You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!
I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out
for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club
your wife has been languishing in the ICU! Its just as well
you went ahead and finished that round because it
will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life
she will require 'round the clock care.
And you'll be her care giver!'

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor started to snicker and said,
'Just kidding! She died more than two hours ago.
What'd you shoot?


TALIBAN PROBLEM



The three Wise Men arrive at the stable.
One is exceptionally tall and hits his head
on the low doorway.

"JESUS CHRIST!"  he says.

"Write that down Mary." says Joseph.
" Its better than Clyde!"



Ole and Sven
Reverend Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian
Lutheran  Church, and Pastor Sven is the minister of the
Swedish  Covenant  Church across the road. One day they
were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that said:

DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT
NOW BAFOR IT'S
TOO LATE!

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled,
"Leave me alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash...
Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks,

"Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say,

'BRIDGE OUT'  ?"

With The Continuing Hope that
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World,
we all should be thinking ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates and their
 positions on the important issues of the day.
 Then, VOTE your conscience with a Sensitive Regard
to Fairness and Justice. That is the very least demanded 
and deserved of us in these critical times. Indeed, at stake  
is the future of our Nation  !

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

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