Many thanks to all and special thanks to
Tootsie, SlingoGMa, AngOBri, MRuss74101, Trish, 
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

The Harley-Davidson Facts



The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson,
died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a
good man and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone
you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,
' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room,
and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented,
'So you were the one who invented
the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?'

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something
that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution
and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke,
'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
 
God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

   
                 

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

               

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust, and
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,'
replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words
and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,'
God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours'.
                                                                                       


HEAVENLY MATRIMONY

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
-
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
-
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
-
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
-
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
 -
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
- 
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
 -
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
-
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
-
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
-
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
-
"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man,
to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death".
-
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE!!!
  
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives,
they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids
are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man
as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of
YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.

A drunk is standing, peeing into a fountain in the middle of town,
so a cop comes up to him and says,
"Stop that, and put it away!"
 
The drunk shoves his penis into his pants and does up his zipper.
 
As the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.

"Okay, what's so funny?" asks the cop.
 
"Fooled you." says the drunk,
"I put it away, but I didn't stop."



On Relevant 'Logic'

 Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having
in this country lately:

      + Illegal immigration,

      + Southern hurricane recovery,

      + Alligators attacking people in Florida
       
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems.
It's a win-win situation.

      +  Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
      +  Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
      +  Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like solved today?

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
how do You determine whether or not a patient
should be institutionalized?

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer
a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient
and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor.
'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger
than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No' said the Director
'A normal person would pull the plug!

Do you want a bed near the window?'

When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen
and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the
washer and me on the couch having done nothing
but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.

She shook her finger at me, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're
going to make me do something I don't want to do!"

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob
out of this."

Couples who have lived together a long time
have their own way of communicating.
 
A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day:
 
"What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked.
 
"Nothing," he answered.
 
"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."



Birth Control

An Alabama couple ( University of Auburn graduates),
both real rednecks, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked
them what finally made them make the decision. Why after
nine children would they choose to do this?



The husband replied that they had read in a recent
article that one out of every ten children being born
in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want
to take a chance on having a Mexican baby
because neither of them could
speak Spanish.



Also known as 'women's intuition,' this
sixth sense thing is no myth.
 
Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives
almost better than they do.
 
Why is this?

In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more
connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do.
 
It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle
from seemingly un-connectable pieces.

That, and they go through all your stuff
while you're in the shower!

Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?"
asks the bartender.

"Blood," orders the first vampire.

"Make it two," says the second.

The bartender looks at the third. "What about you, buddy?"

"Plasma," says the vampire.

"Okay," replies the barman.
"Two bloods and a blood light coming right up"



A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar,
ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer.
The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't serve you...
you've already had too much to drink."

The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes
later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar,
and yells for a beer. Again the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, sir...but I can't serve you...
you've already had too much to drink!"

Ten minutes later, the same guy comes flying
through the back door of the bar, storms up
to the bartender, and demands a beer.
Again, the bartender says to the man...
"I'm really sorry, sir, but you've had too
much to drink...you're going to have to leave!"

The guy looks quizzically at
the bartender and says finally,
"My God, man... How many bars
do you work at?!!!"

Tyrone's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which
caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months,
she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl.
The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Tyrone- he's CRAZY!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,
"What's the girl's name?"

"Your brother named her Denise,"

The new mother thinks, "That's a beautiful name.
I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like the name Denise."

Then she asks the doctor,
"What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies,
"Denephew"

Little Johnnie is sitting on the fence, watching
a bull with two cows. The preacher walks up, and
asks Johnnie what he is doing. Johnnie replies,
"I'm watching that bull fuck the black cow."

The preacher, aghast at the language, tells
Johnnie that he should say that the bull is going
to SURPRISE the black cow.

Johnnie says, "OK." and the preacher leaves.

The next day, after church, the preacher is
shaking hands with all the parishioners as they
leave. When Johnnie appears with his parents, the
preacher kneels down, smiles, and says,

"So, Johnnie, did the bull SURPRISE the black cow?"

Johnnie replies, "He sure did! He fucked the white one!"

AMEN FOR THIS ONE
Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds You
 make sure you have volume on 
so you can HEAR this one..

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Are we better off today?

Everybody and Nobody
 
This is a little story about four people named
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that 
Because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, 
But Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

With The Continuing Hope that
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World,
we all should be thinking ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates and their
 positions on the important issues of the day.
 Then, VOTE your conscience with a Sensitive Regard
to Fairness and Justice. That is the very least demanded 
and deserved of us in these critical times. Indeed, at stake  
is the future of our Nation  !

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

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