Many thanks to all and special thanks to
DGOLDYOUNG, Trish, AngOBri,  Terrygray11, K1mmm, 
Tootsie, Heartlace7, Philalakes, Youniqu101,
BigK11562
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League
baseball game that was being played in a park near my home.
As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line,
I asked one of the boys what the score was.

'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile. 

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?' the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged?
We haven't been up to bat yet.'

World's First Hybrid Motorcycle
Try Baked Beans for your next alternative fuel source...
 


MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror
complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper
and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years."

  "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make
my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says
"Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may
even walk again, although he will probably continue
to take his meals through a straw!

Everything works out in the end.
If it hasn't worked out,
it's not the end.



Jokes That Will Definitely
Offend Someone!

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia.
-
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of
the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.
-
Q: What is the definition of 'Making Love'?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking Her.
-
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea
-
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So Women would know once in a while what it's like
to live with an irritating Cunt too.
-
Q. Why do Fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
-
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face
until he's at least 13 years old.
     -
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
-
Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
-
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
-
Q. What's the difference between Mayonnaise & Semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat
at thirty miles an hour.
-
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
-
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
-
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from Your own vasectomy.
-
Q. How can you tell if You're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
-
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, but, anal sex makes your hole weak.
-
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic Wife and a Jewish Wife?
A. A Catholic Wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
-
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
-
Q. How do You know when it's time to wash dishes
and clean the house?
A. Look inside Your pants; if You have a penis, it's not time.
-
Q. Do you know how Red Necks practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.







A friend may be like a bra - lifting you up.
 
But a GREAT friend is like a pair of Jockey shorts -
they keep your private things private,
and they got your ass covered too!

The 13 Biggest Lies
-
- The check is in the mail.
- You get this one and I will pay next time.
- You look great.
- Of course, I love you.
- It is not the money; it is the principle of the thing.
-However, we can still be good friends.
-She means nothing to me.
- Do not worry; I can go another 20 miles 
when the gauge is on "empty."
- Do not worry; he has never bitten anyone.
-I will call you later.
- I have never done anything like this before.
- I am from your government, and I am here to help you.
- I DO.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed,
 
Little Bo Peep was giving him head,
 
As soon as he came she started to weep,
 
She knew by the taste he's been fucking her sheep.



Whether or not you are a country music fan,
this is truly the work of a deep thinker
and highly intelligent person.

So simple, yet so profound. Words of wisdom
from that famous philosopher
Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday:






"I  have outlived my dick."



There was a young girl of Peru
Who had nothing whatever to do,
So she sat on the stairs
and counted cunt hairs:
Four thousand - three hundred - and two! 
                                                                             Wm. Shakespeare



A young man asked Morris, an old wealthy man,
how he made his money.

Morris took off his glasses and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932 during the heart of the Great Depression.
I was down to my last nickel.

"So I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day
polishing the apple and, at the end of the day,
I sold the apple for ten cents.

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm
for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which
I'd accumulated the sum of $1.60.....

"Then my wife's uncle Bernie died and left us two million dollars."



Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you
   use the whole chicken.

The Jamaican Doctor's Assistant

A Doctor in Jamaica wanted to get off work to go play a game of golf,
so he approached his office assistant.

"George, I am going golfing tomorrow and I don't want to
close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic
and take care of all me patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers George.

The doctor goes golfing the next day and returns
the following day and asks:
"So, George, how was your day?"

George told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo mate! And the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says George.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this, and what about the third one?"

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens
and a woman enters. Like a flash, she undresses herself,
taking off everything including her bra and her panties.
She lies down on the table, and says,
"HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!"

"Thunderin' lard Jesus, George, what did you do?"

"I put DROPS in her eyes."




A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City   to Chicago . The little boy (who had been looking out the
window) turned to his mother and asked,
'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats,
why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'

The mother  (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight  attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the
flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and
said, 'Did your Mom tell you to ask me?

The boy said, 'yes she did."

'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby
airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

Have your Mom explain THAT to you.'





An Older Woman

'I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 57-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking
that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a bit, had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked
if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
 
'What's that?' I asked

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
 
I said, 'No' - excitedly.
 
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place with her.
 
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake?'

The Seniors Breakfast Special

    We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

    "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked.

"YES!!" stated the waitress.

"I'll take the special then!" my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife  replied.


She took the two eggs home!!


DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!
We've been around the block more than once......
Should have gotten the salt and pepper shakers too!

Sam is over at Annie's house after meeting her parents
for the very first time.  While at the supper table
he figured it was a good time to get on the
right side of his future mother-in-law.

Sam turned to Annie's mother and remarked,
"These are excellent fishcakes."

Annie pulled Sam close to her and whispered in his ear, 
"You should go and wash your hands, 
those are peanut butter cookies!

What if "THE HOKEY POKEY"
really  IS  what it's ALL about ?



WORKS FOR ME

With The Continuing Hope that
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World,
we all should be thinking ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates and their
 positions on the important issues of the day.
 Then, VOTE your conscience with a Sensitive Regard
to Fairness and Justice. That is the very least demanded 
and deserved of us in these critical times. Indeed, at stake  
is the future of our Nation  !

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

         

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

. . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . . 

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT LIGHTHOUSE

"OLD  BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ

USE YOUR BACK BUTTON TO RETURN TO MAIN PAGE
AFTER VIEWING ABOVE SITE

  Barnegat Sunset

The Fleet