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Many
thanks to
Terrygray11,
Trish, Purplemakesmesmile, AngOBri,
for contributing to the content
of today's page.
Lady Lynx
Martinis,
my girl, are deceiving:
Take two at the very most.
Take three and you're under the table.
Take four and you're under the host.
A
doctor in rural Kentucky wanted to get off work and go
hunting,
so he approached his assistant Bubba, I am going
hunting tomorrow
and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take
care
of the clinic and take care of our
patients".
"Yes, sir!!!" answers Bubba.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and
asks:
"So, Bubba how was your day?"
Bubba said he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him
TYLENOL."
Great says the doctor, "and what about the
second one he asks.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir"
says Bubba.
The doctor replies, "You are good at this Bubba,
and what about the third one?"
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens
and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses
herself,
taking off everything including her bra and her
panties
and lies down on the table, spreading her legs
and shouts:
HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"
"And what did you do Bubba?" asks the doctor.
Bubba replied, "I put drops in her eyes."
Thought for the Day: To be happy with a man you must
understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy
with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
"Sharp
tongues are seldom indicators
of sharp minds."
A
thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from
the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the
paintings
and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away
when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
and the make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to send this
on to someone else.)
Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse.
. . .ouch. . .
"We may not be number 1,
but were still up there!"
Logo
- Polish tampon
A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband
one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve
his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in
for another visit, the doctor asked,
"How are we doing with the pill and the
whiskey?"
Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind
with the pills, but he's about six months ahead
with the whiskey."
A
rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when
they get a flat tire. He gets out and starts trying
to pry off the hubcap.
After he struggles a few minutes, she looks out at
him and says,
"You wanna screwdriver?" He says,
"Hell, we might as well. I can't get this
freaking hubcap off anyway."
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman,
sat in her US government class. The professor asked
Bambi
if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington
had to make
before he crossed the Delaware."
Precise
Answer
Cautioning
the witness to remember that she was under oath,
the lawyer asked, "How old are you?"
"Twenty-nine and some months," she replied.
"How many months?" asked the attorney.
"Two hundred and forty," said the witness.
A blonde guy was walking down the street when
he suddenly came across a brown lump on the sidewalk
in front of him...
"What on earth is this?" he asked himself.
Then he bent down, put his finger in it and tasted it.
"Gosh!" he exclaimed. "It's dog shit!
Thank God I didn't step on it."
A
Very Numb Guy
Buford T. was making his first visit to a hospital,
where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor's every move, he asked,
"What's that?"
The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After
he gets this
he won't know a thing."
"Save your time, Doc," said Buford.
"He don't know nothing now."
Busted Blonde
A blonde friend of mine tripped on the stairs
and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and
warned her that she wasn't to use the
stairs until the cast came off.
Two months later he removed the cast and pronounced
her well on the way to recovery.
"Oh, good," she responded. "Is it all
right for me
to walk the stairs now?"
"Yes," said the doctor, "if you will
promise to be careful."
"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she
sighed.
"It was such a nuisance to have to go outside and
shinny up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly
button.
In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors
told his mother
that there was nothing they could do.
Like it or not, he was stuck with it.
All the years of growing up was real tough on him,
as all who saw the screw made fun of him.
He avoided ever leaving his house and thus,
never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly
and told him of a swami in Tibet that could get rid of
the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next
day
he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to
Nepal.
After several days of climbing up steep cliffs,
he came upon a giant monastery.
The swami knew exactly why he had come.
He was told to sleep in the highest tower
of the monastery and the following day when
he awoke, the screw would have been removed.
The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in
an open window, bearing in its mist, a golden screwdriver.
In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw
and disappeared out the window.
The next morning when the boy woke, he saw
the golden screw laying on the Pillow next to him.
Reaching down, he felt his navel and there was no screw
there!
Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his butt fell off.
THE MORAL to this is:
"Don't screw around with things you don't understand;
you could lose your ass."
DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing
hole,
just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says,
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife -
she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully
says,
"You better think it over -
women like that are hard to find."
We
All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
AMERICA
The Land of The FREE
Because of The BRAVE
"
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