Many thanks to all and special thanks to
Nannalynda, AngOBri, Terrygray11, 
Tootsie, MRuss74101,
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.





Why I Like Retirement !

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: Still seven, 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
-
Question: What is ! the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
-
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the sofa.



Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
-
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
-
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
-
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.



Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
-
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement,
attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their
adult kids will want to store stuff there.
-
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer: Normal.



Question: What's the biggest advantage of
going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
-
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work,
but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
-
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Mon to Fri. I do nothing and
on Sat & Sun I rest !

Join me in boycotting Anheuser-Busch! 
They've sold out to foreigners.    
Drop your beer off at my house and I'll dispose of it.   
 We'll teach those bastards!



A FEW FISHING DEFINITIONS

     HOOK - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A
clever advertisement used to lure a fisherman to spend his life's
savings on fishing supplies. (3) The punch administered by said
fisherman's wife after she learns what he spent their life's savings
on. (Usually accompanied by word "right" or "left.")

   LINE - Something you give your coworkers when they ask how
your fishing trip went.

      LURE - An object that dangles from the end of your fishing line
and is supposed to encourage fish to bite it. It is the fisherman's
equivalent of sports cards, comic books, buttons, lint, and other
things you collect that generally have no purpose.

      REEL - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly
when dropped overboard.

      ROD - An attractively-painted length of fiberglass that keeps
an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

      TACKLE - What your last catch did to you right after you
brought him into the boat and right before
he jumped back overboard.
 
      TACKLE BOX - A box shaped alarmingly like a good first aid
kit, only a tackle box carries an extremely large number
of sharp objects, so that when you reach in blindly to
grab an adhesive bandage, you soon find that
you will need more than one.

      TEST - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line afford an
angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range.
(2) A measure of your creativity when trying to
come up with yet another explanation
for why you have come home
once again empty-handed.

After WW II, there was a crush of immigration
from Europe to the USA.

One Italian, Luigi, obtained passage on a steamer after months of waiting,
and his entire village went down to the pier to see him off, telling him
how lucky he was, going to live in the land of opportunity.

In six months, Luigi was back, disgusted and disappointed.

His friends all told him, "Luigi, you crazy, why you come back?"

"Bah, America nothin' but SEX, SEX, and MORE sex!,"
Luigi griped, "all day long, Sex!"

"It'sa in the newspapers, onna th' radio, inna the movies,
onna the billboards, all you see is SEX!"

"It'sa disgusting! Why, even the ship, it sail into New York,
the band on the dock is'a playin', an' whadda you 'tink they play?"

"'Yanka-my-Doodle, She's a Dandy!!'"



Religious Husband

A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH;
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE THEN
CARRIES HER AROUND THE HOUSE.

THE WIFE WAS SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED
'DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?

THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST
LEARN TO CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS'.





A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman
and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow
group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes?
We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!

The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such poor golf!"

The Chinese Businessman called out "Move it, time is money."

The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him."

"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest, "What's wrong with that
group ahead of us?  They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes.  That's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say
a special prayer for them tonight."

The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea.  I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's
anything he can do for them."

The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000
to the firefighters in honor of these brave souls"

The Aussie said, "Why can't they fucking play at night?



There's no "I" in TEAM
and there ain't no "I' in
"GO FUCK YOURSELF" either!



CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be so stupid
  and so beautiful all at the same time.'

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !





Funniest Staff Meeting Ever! 

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous 
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is 
one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood 
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the 
meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: 
Viagra advertising slogans. 

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written 
for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight 
variations were acceptable. 

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and
created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, 
the rest of the week went very well for everyone! 

The top 10 were: 

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 
8. Viagra, like a rock! 
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper! 
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! 

And the unanimous number one slogan: 

1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs!! 



THE DOCTOR'S BAG
To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient 
at his home, who was screaming with extreme stomach 
pain and was surrounded by many anxious relatives. 
Doctor kicked all the relatives out of the room, 
closed the door with patient and he inside.

After a while he came out and asked,
"Please give me a scissors." 

People gave him a stainless steel scissors. He again went inside, 
closed door and came back soon. He said, 
"Please give me a hammer." 

He got one. He repeated the routine of going inside, 
closing door and then coming back again for a new tool a few times.

He came outside one more time and asked, 
"Please give me a screw driver."

With every of his requests for surgical tools the tension amongst 
the relatives was mounting high. The oldest son could not 
hold himself, broke down and lost his patience.

In a crying voice he pleaded, 
"Doctor please tell us what has happened to our dear Dad.
Will he live? Should we open his will?"

The doctor said, 
"No, I don't know that yet. 
I am still trying to open my damn bag, 
I lost the key."

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,
"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"

"Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo
makes you look less attractive."

"I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?"

"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes
makes you look larger than you really are."
  
"I've also heard that you're saying that my husband
has a wart on his dick!"

"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like
he has a wart on his dick.



Imagine the girl's surprise when she walked into the playboy's
apartment and discovered he had no chairs, no tables, no bed,
no  furniture at all.

She was floored!





A princess is walking along when she looks down
and sees an ugly frog.  She picks it up and says,
"My, but you're a really ugly frog."

The  frog says,
"I know, I know. I got a really bad spell put on me."

The  princess says,
"I have seen frogs with spells, but none of them were
as ugly as you."

The frog says,
"Leave me alone lady. I told you, it's
a really bad spell."

She says,
"If I kiss you, will you turn into a
handsome prince"

The frog says, "I don't know, lady.
A spell this bad would probably take a blow job."



After I received a call from the teacher about my seven-year-old
daughter, Melissa, misbehaving in class, Melissa and I
discussed the situation. In conclusion, I asked,
"Do you understand what you did wrong?"

"Yes," Melissa replied, head hanging. "I made a mistake at school."

"And what was that?" I asked, hoping to reinforce the point.

"I told the teacher my phone number."



A young lady, visiting the London zoo,
asked the keeper where the monkeys were.
 
Keeper: "They're in the back, having sex."
 
Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?"
 
Keeper: "I don't know. Would you?"



Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill

The Cadbury's Candy Co. And Merck Drug Co.
Have combined to market the new Mint flavored
birth control pill that women may take immediately
before sex. The Pill will be distributed by the large major
drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.

They're going to be called.... 'Pre-dick-a-mints!'



What do you get when you mix a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night!

With The Continuing Hope that
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World,
we all should be thinking ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates and their
 positions on the important issues of the day.
 Then, VOTE your conscience with a Sensitive Regard
to Fairness and Justice. That is the very least demanded 
and deserved of us in these critical times. Indeed, at stake  
is the future of our Nation  !

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

         

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

. . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . . 

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT LIGHTHOUSE

"OLD  BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ

USE YOUR BACK BUTTON TO RETURN TO MAIN PAGE
AFTER VIEWING ABOVE SITE

  Barnegat Sunset

The Fleet