|
Many
thanks to
Trish,
AngOBri,
for contributing to the content
of today's page.
Lady Lynx
A
drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some
time
at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her
and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained,
"I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look
exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good
drunk!"
she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered,
"you even sound exactly like her!"
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
The blonde says, "I'm on the road a lot, and my
clients
are complaining that they can never reach me."
The psychiatrist says, "Don't you have a cell phone
you can bring with you in your car?"
The blonde replies, "That was a little too expensive,
I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my
car."
The psychiatrist laughs, "Uh ... How's that
working?"
The blonde says, "Actually, I haven't gotten any
letters yet."
"And why do you think that is?" ask the doc.
"I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip
code keeps
changing," answers the unreachable blonde.
I
walked into Dairy Queen the other day
and asked for a hot fudge sundae with
extra hot fudge. The girl replied,
"The hot fudge only comes
in one temperature, ma'am."
Obviously a college girl working her way thru . .
Did
you hear about the crossword puzzle addict
who died and was buried
six feet down and three across?
Neither did I . .
Bumper Snickers
- -
Your car was designed by computer, built by a robot,
and now, is driven by a moron.
-
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
-
Faster than a speeding ticket!
-
Adults are just kids with money.
-
You are right where you belong,
behind me!
-
They keep saying the right person will come along;
I think a bus hit mine.
-
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live
there.
-
Do unto others before they do unto you.
-
Was today really necessary?
-
In theory, everything works.
-
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
-
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
-
Your lucky color has faded.
-
Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
-
Today, the more I learn, the less I understand.
CONCENTRATION
http://www.hornygamer.com/games/concentration.swf
This
guy in a bar had noticed a woman, always alone,
who would come in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely.
"This may sound rather odd
in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure
until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man
replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said.
"But, it has my husband pretty upset."
One O'Bonk
The Dublin police were given orders to clean up the
neighborhood.
That night a drunk staggered towards a constable and said:
"Excuse me offisher, what time is it?"
The cop replied, "It's one o'clock!",
and bonked him on the head with his baton.
"Jeez," said Paddy.
"I'm glad I didn't ask you an hour ago!"
You were so poor that ...
If your father didn't cut holes in your pockets at
Christmas, you
wouldn't have anything to play with.
People from the church would run over animals in front of
your house to help with food.
Beggars give you money.
You don't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it
out of.
Someone saw you kicking a can down the street,
and when they asked what you were doing,
you said, "moving".
A guy walked into your house, stepped on a cigarette
and your mom yelled,
"Who turned off the heat?"
Your parents got married for the rice.
One
Wish
A
priest, a minister and a rabbi were all sitting at a
table
finishing dinner and discussing theology. Suddenly,
an angel appeared before them.
"I
have been sent to grant each of you one wish," she
said.
"Who will go first"?
The
catholic priest stood up.
"I wish for the destruction of all Protestants!"
Then
the protestant minister bolted up.
"I wish for the destruction of all Catholics!"
The
rabbi kept seated, so the angel asked,
"How about you? What do you wish for, Rabbi"?
The
rabbi answered, "Well, if you're going to grant their
wishes,
I'll just settle for another cup of coffee."
Husband
and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast. She:
"Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
A young lady says to a salesman,
"I need some batteries for my vibrator."
He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."
She says,
"If I could come that way
I wouldn't need a fucking vibrator."
In an almost empty suburban train compartment leaving the
city,
there were three men and a ravishing young redhead.
The three male passengers, out of boredom joined in
conversation,
which very soon turned to their attempts to draw the young
girl
into the erotic subjects being discussed.
Then, after she joins in the conversation,
the young girl proposes,
"If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you
my legs."
The men, charmed by this voluptuous young woman,
all pull a buck out of their wallets and watch as the girl
pulls us her dress up a bit to show her legs. Then, seeing
that
she has captured their complete attention, the lady says,
"If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll
show you my thighs."
The men, being typical male animals, all give her a ten
dollar bill.
The girl pulls up her dress all the way to the top of her
legs,
with her treasure in full view covered only by the thin
stripped
of her bikini under garment. The conversation continues,
with the men now a bit excited, all of them having removed
their business jackets, and totally entranced
by the captivating young temptress.
After some more stimulating banter, the young woman
checks her watch and says to the group,
"If you will each give me $100, I will show you where
I was
operated on for appendicitis."
It didn't take any further discussion before all three
gents,
allowing their imaginations to dictate what may be next,
managed to come up with the $ 300 dollars between them.
As the train approached the next station, the enticing
young beauty turned to the window and pointed outside
at a hospital building they were passing, giggled and
said,
"See that building there, that's the hospital where I
had it done!"
A priest was preparing a man for his long day's
journey Into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said,
"Denounce the devil! Let him know
how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to
denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading,
I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
Help!
A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated,
calling out,
"Is there a Catholic priest on board?"
When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting,
"Is there an Anglican priest on board?"Still no
reply.
By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train
shouting,
"Is there a Rabbi on board?"
Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said,
"Can I be of any assistance, my friend?
I'm a Methodist minister."
The man looked at him and said,
"No, you're no bloody good.
I need a corkscrew!"
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner
at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the
table
as the food was being served. When little Johnny received
his plate,
he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted.
"We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained.
"But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to
cook!"
A
woman walks into an optician to return a pair of
spectacles
that she purchased for her husband a week before.
The assistant asks,
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?"
The woman replies,
"I'm returning these spectacles I bought for my
husband.
He's still not seeing things my way."
The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of sex
in the convent was a problem. She confessed to Mother
Superior
that it was unhealthy and she was restless.
"Comfort yourself with a candle," she was
advised.
"I've tried that," she said,
"But you get tired of the same thing wick in and wick
out."
VIAGRA
WON'T HELP
A couple in their 80's were about to get married.
She said: 'I want to keep my house.'
He said: 'That's fine with me.'
She said: 'And I want to keep my
Cadillac.'
He said: 'That's fine with
me.'
She said: 'And I want to have sex 6 times
a week.'
He said: 'That's fine with
me.
Put me down for Friday.'
We
All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
AMERICA
The Land of The FREE
Because of The BRAVE
"
WOW "
http://www.thecopymacheen.com
WE
ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and
CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the
"Feedback" or "E-Mail links.
BECAUSE
OF THE POTENTIAL
OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND
ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.
ALL
ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED"
FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~
MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF
YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS,
LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY
DUE.
REMEMBER
- IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.
For
an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE
If
you are reading this and have not yet signed up, DO
IT NOW and
.
. . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . .
SUBSCRIBE
to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com
BARNEGAT
LIGHTHOUSE
"OLD
BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ
Barnegat Sunset
BARNEGAT, NEW
JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore
|
ONLINE
SINCE JUNE 14
2002
|
YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT THIS SITE ARE ALWAYS
MOST WELCOMED. JUST CLICK ON FLASHER ABOVE
or the
"Feedback" or "Email Us" LINKS
BELOW.
|
