Lady Lynx

 

GREETINGS and WELCOME to all the new readers 
who joined us this past week.
This site contains MOSTLY ADULT MATERIAL. 
It is designed for an ADULT audience.
Nothing here is meant to offend any one!!
If you are easily offended, you may unsubscribe 
from our Reminder e-Mailer, via the link included there. 
It is sent to all registered subscribers. 
ENJOY

 

During basic army training a sergeant was telling his group
how a submachine gun sprayed bullets...

He drew a circle on a blackboard and announced that 
it had 260 degree.

"But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees," called out a conscript.

"Don't be stupid," the sergeant roared. "This is a small circle!"

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

  A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in.
The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.
The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky
then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

  A Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar
and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky
then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says,
"Secret Service!"



In 1947 Milton Berle was one of the biggest names in comedy.
But as his career rose, his marriage failed,
leading to a divorce from his wife Joyce Mathews.

Two years later, Berle and Mathews got married for the second time.
Why marry the same woman all over again?

"Because" Berle explained to reporters,
"she reminds me of my first wife."

The new blond clerk was sent to the post office by his boss
to mail a rather large envelope. When he reached the window,
the woman behind the counter weighed it.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but this is too heavy.
You need to put more stamps on it."

"Idiot!" the blond clerk yelled.
"That'll only make it heavier!"

KID STUFF
<>
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
- -
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and
won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
- -
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odour in the court.
- -
Excuses for not attending school
1) Please excuse Sumera for being absent.
She was sick and I had her shot.

2) Dear School: Please excuse Rehan being absent on
Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

3) Please excuse Asif from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his knee.

4) Please excuse Junaid for being late at school.
It was his father's fault.
- -
Mommy, Mommy!
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a ware wolf! Is that true?"
"No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
- -
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell
to the outside world. When finally his work was done,
he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.

"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.

"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."
- -
Once a little girl went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter,

'Sir, this book was very boring. It had too many characters
and too many numbers and no story, so I would like to return it.'

The librarian says to the other librarian,
'So here is the person who took our phone book!'
- -
Watch me eat
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host: "I cannot imagine, unless it is because
you have the plate he usually eats from."

A man was walking down the street when he bumped into
a construction worker.

They get into a conversation and the man asks him what he
would do if he only had 5 minutes to live.

"Well, I haven't lived a very passionate life, so I suppose
I'd screw anything that moved.  What would you do?"

"Me. . . ? . . . I'd stand perfectly still !"




Wireless Security System

Installing a wireless security system in four easy steps

1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots,
a really  big pair.

2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of
guns and Ammo magazine.
 
3. Put a dog dish beside it.  A really big dish.

4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like
"Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition.
Be back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the Pit Bulls,
they've  just been wormed."



This And That
<>
I planted bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it.
 -
I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
 -
Photons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
- 
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
- 
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- 
If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
 -
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
 -
They told me I was gullible..... and I believed them.
 -
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and,
when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
 -
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
 -
Experience is the thing you have left
when everything else is gone.
 -
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
-
One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
 -
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
 -
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
 -
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
 -
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
 -
Is there another word for synonym?
 -
The speed of time is one second per second.
 -
Is it possible to be totally partial?
 -
What's another word for thesaurus?
 -
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
 -
If swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?
 -
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
- 
It's not an optical illusion.
It just looks like one.
 -
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings
taste like chicken ?

"When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager,
"Give me a table near a waiter."
Henny Youngman
 
Every time someone goes into a delicatessen and orders
a pastrami sandwich on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Marriage is a game of give and take.
What you don't give, she takes.
Henny Youngman
 
What's Jewish Alzheimer's Disease?
It's when you forget everything but the guilt.

If a man calls you an ass, pay him no mind.
If two women call you an ass, go buy a saddle.

The optimist sees the bagel,
the pessimist sees the hole.

What is the difference
between a non-Jewish woman and a Jewish woman?
A non-Jewish woman urges her husband to take Viagra.
A Jewish woman urges her husband to invest in Pfizer.



Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending
way too much time playing computer games. In an effort
to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention
on his schoolwork, his father said,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books
by the light of the fireplace."

Little Johnny replied,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age,
he was The President of the United States."

GIANT WOODPECKER

TRIVIA

60 percent of all the gold stored in the Federal Reserve Bank
in New York is from foreign central banks!
 
Today's average household in the USA contains more computer power
than existed in the entire world before 1965.
 
 Americans eat about 18 acres of pizza a day!
 
The average person spends about
12 years of their life watching television.
 
A typical hurricane releases the energy of 10,000 hydrogen bombs -
more than the entire world's nuclear arsenal.
 
Glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
 
In Alaska, USA, the Eskimos use refrigerators
to keep their food from freezing solid.
 
Brazil got it's name from the nut not the other way around.
 
The Great Pyramid in Egypt contains enough stone
to build a 10 foot high wall around France.
 
Two out of five American women dye their hair.
 
There are no clocks in the casinos of Las Vegas.

The amount of junk mail that Americans receive each day
could produce enough energy to heat a quarter of a million homes.
 
In the USA Christmas did not become a national holiday until 1890.
 
450 million years ago the South pole was situated
where the Sahara desert is now.
 
The soft drink '7-Up' got it's name from the inventor who
had already rejected six other names for the product.
 
Grapes will explode if you cook them in a microwave.

The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite
surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman.

"Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."

Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded
to ask the routine questions. When his asked,
"How many children do you have?"

The lady replied, "Eighteen."

"Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just
don't have time to get dressed!"

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some
exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around.
Try playing a game of fetch the ball.

"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?"  the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can't throw, duh."

ANDRE AGASSI
to the fans after the last match of his professional tennis career.

"The scoreboard said I lost today, but what the scoreboard doesn't say 
|is what it is I have found. Over the last 21 years, I have found loyalty. 
You have pulled for me on the court and also in life. I found inspiration. 
You have willed me to succeed, sometimes even in my lowest moments, 
and I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on 
to reach for my dreams, dreams I could never have reached without you."

                                                 TRULY . . a 'MAN FOR ALL SEASONS'

TENNIS 
Drive yourself crazy
click here

Use your BACK button after viewing to return to The Copy Macheen
DON'T GET X'd OFF SITE





As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt
when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll
eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and
love like you've never been hurt, because every sixty seconds
you spend upset, is a minute of happiness
you'll never get back.




                                                                                                                      

BLIND FAITH IN BAD LEADERSHIP IS NOT PATRIOTISM

      
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

 

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

     

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

   . . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . .   

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore