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Many
thanks to all and special thanks to
Trish,
AngOBri, Terrygray11, Cartoonery,
Tootsie, WyeSong, Perilpurple
for contributing to the content
of today's page.
Lady Lynx
"Start
every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"
We can't control the wind, but we can
adjust our sails.
~ WELCOME BACK ~
Our summer hiatus was relaxing and, for the most part,
enjoyable. We hope
the past few months were,
at the very least, just as great for you too.
Thanks to all who took the time to keep in touch
by sending material for future issues and
to those who 'made our day'
by telling us how much
our weekly efforts
were missed.
We also send special greetings to the many new subscribers
who joined our group of regulars
over the summer.
We will do our best to give you all a chuckle
or two in the coming weeks.
All
things are 'NEW' if never seen or heard before!
When told the reason for daylight saving time the
old Indian said...
"Only a white man would believe that you could cut
a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the
bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket."
In response to a number of complaints that FOX News
doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people
on the network, FOX has announced that they will
now air 'America's Most Wanted' TWICE a week.
"Feel like a whore d'oeuvre?"
Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately,
the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad
had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears,
he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,
a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful.
The Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'
'That's great', said Little Johnnie,
'cause he'd be fucked if he needed glasses'
Two families move from Pakistan to America.
When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see,
in a year's time, which family has become more Americanized.
A year later they meet again.
The first man says, 'My son is playing baseball.
I had breakfast at McDonalds, and I'm on my way to pick up
a case of Bud. How about you?'
The second man replies, 'Fuck you, raghead'.
Taliban Call Girl
Paddy and Mick.
Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said:
'Paddy, will you be drawing your bedroom curtains
before making love to your wife in the future?.'
'Why?' Paddy asked.
'Because', said Mick 'All the street was laughing
when they saw you making love to her yesterday'.
Mick said, 'Silly buggers! - The laughs on them.
I wasn't home yesterday. !!'
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain
into an argument on the issue of polygamy.
After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice,
the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture
expressly forbidding having more than one wife.
"Nothing easier" Twain said.
"No man can serve two masters."
A
guy walks into an elevator and stands next to
a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to
her and says,
"Can
I smell your pussy?"
The
woman looks at him in disgust and says,
"Certainly not!"
"Hmm," he replies.
"It must be your feet, then."
Two gentlemen were working at
a funeral home,
when a corpse was sent to them to be prepared for burial.
One of them, looking at the dead man's penis asks:
"Have you ever seen one like this?"
"Sure, I've got one just like it."
"As big as this one?"
"No . . . but just as dead!"
INTRODUCTIONS
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a recent
commercial flight. After they're airborne and the
plane has
leveled off, the man in the window seat broke the
silence
and abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low
voice,
"General, United States Army, retired combat
veteran,
married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states
through
a tight-lipped smile,
"General United States Air Force, retired, married,
two sons, both judges."
After some time, the fellow in the center seat decides
to
introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye, he
proclaims,
"Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marine Corps,
enlisted, retired.
Never married, two sons, both generals.
If
you stare at this picture long enough
you should be able to see a giraffe.
This is weird. Give it a try.
Plain Nasty --- and FUNNY Riddles
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
><
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
><
Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
><
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
><
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
><
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
><
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
><
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
><
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
><
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
><
Q. What is the difference between 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
><
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
><
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
><
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
><
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
><
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
><
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
><
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
><
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
><
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
What is the difference between a hobo and a homo?
A hobo doesn't have any friends,
and a homo has friends up the ass.
The
'Ultimate' of Marriage Wisdom
"The
fucking you get isn't worth
the fucking you get."
ANGER MANAGEMENT
A Story of Anger Management between
a Husband and a Wife
HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?
WIFE : I clean the toilet....
HUSBAND: How does that help?
WIFE : I use your toothbrush....
What did God say after making Adam?
" I can do better. "
Then what did He say after creating Eve?
" Guess I was wrong! "
"
If Stupidity got us into this mess,
then why can't it get us out? "
Will
Rogers
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power,
the world will know peace."
Jimi
Hendrix
"
WOW "
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