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"The
happiest people don't have the best of
everything.
They
just make
the best of everything."
"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today!
LIVE in the present, PLAN for the future
& PROFIT from the past. "
If
there's no smile on your face and no laughter in your heart,
YOU are just . . . . a sour old fart.
Life is too short
for drama & petty things.
So kiss slowly, Laugh insanely, Love truly
and Forgive quickly.
Many
thanks to
AngOBri,
Trish, Irock blue
for contributing to the content
of today's page.
Lady Lynx
Hope
you all are having a nice summer.
WE
REMAIN
ON VACATION 'TIL AFTER LABOR DAY.
THE
NEXT ISSUE REMINDER IS SCHEDULED
FOR FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7th '07
For the most part, our holiday has been 'relaxing'.
Very few deadlines to meet, although we went through a
major forest fire and two attempts at mandated
evacuations.
Neither time were we able to get more than 10 blocks
from
home because of the extra ordinary traffic crush
and poor municipal planning.
We were lucky.
My home is located under the big "O" above.
Rain plus wind changes saved us, to say nothing of the
great
talents and diligent efforts of our fire fighters.
But mostly,
we
believe, someone above was watching over us.
Our hearts go out to those who were not
as lucky as we.
Lots of new readers have been added to our mailing lists
these past few weeks. We hope to provide you all
a
chuckle or two with each issue, and, as always, we
invite your comments as well as the material
you send to share with others.
ENJOY
My wife and I were lunching at a
sidewalk cafe
in Huntington Beach, CA.
Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl - athletic
with a great
tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my wife
asked her if the roast beef was rare.
The waitress gave us a long blank look, then replied,
"Well, no - we have it, like, just about every
day."
..duh!
Must have been a college
girl!
How do you tell if you're in a redneck Amish
neighborhood?
By the dead horses up on cinder blocks in the front
yard...
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She
was having
a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had
240,000 miles on it.
She discussed her problem with a brunette that she
worked with at a bar...
brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell
that car easier,
but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the
blonde. "All that matters
is that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet
voice, she told the blonde:
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a
car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you,
and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000
miles.
Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the
mechanic
on the brunette's advice. About one month after that,
the brunette saw the blonde and asked,
"Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I?
It only has 40,000 miles on it!"
If you
look really carefully after a few seconds you'll be able
to see
Toronto's
CN Tower in the background
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls school was
lecturing her
students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young
people. In moments of
temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one
question:
Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an
hour?"
Funny Quips
Why do they tell you what the temperature is at the
airport?
Nobody I know lives at the airport.
When one is at home . . . he dreams of vacation.
When one is on vacation . . . he dreams of home.
The old believe everything.
The middle-aged suspect everything.
The young KNOW everything.
Q: How do you tickle a rich girl?
A: Say, "Gucci Gucci
Gucci!"
Benny: Who's your favorite fiction writer?
Murray: My accountant.
If all our National holidays were observed on
Wednesdays,
we might just wind up with nine-day weekends!
Why do they give you a watch when you retire when it's
the first time in your life you really don't care what
time it is?
The judge says to Maxwell, a double-homicide defendant,
"You're charged with beating your wife to death
with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating
your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You damned bastard."
The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the
courtroom,
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration
at this crime.
But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with
contempt.
Is that a problem?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says,
"For fifteen years, I've lived next door to that
bastard,
and every time I asked to borrow a hammer,
he said he didn't have one."
"The 'SOMETHING"
he wanted to bounce off me was HIM!"
Finding one of her students making faces at others
on the playground,
Miss Smith stopped to gently reprove the child...Smiling
sweetly,
the Sunday school teacher said,
"Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I
made ugly faces,
it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied,
"Well, Miss Smith, you can't say you weren't
warned!"
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By
the time the
food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes
back and says,
"Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see,
that police officer
who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer
of ours and he
usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is
the last chicken
in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to
him
and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his
food. The waiter
walks over to the other table and explains the situation
to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's
table and says,
"Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are
about to eat and
I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do
the same to you.
You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of
yours. You break one
of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his
middle finger in
the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then
gets up, drops his
pants, bends over and says,
"Go ahead!"
Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac.
Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant
complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.
One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor
prescribed his usual treatment. This time however,
the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack.
On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset
he died of shock.
Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other
in the
cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping
on his coffin, followed by a voice saying,
"Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith.
Do you have anything
for worms?"
According to TV news,
today, local Florida police
found a man's body in a park
in your neighborhood.
They describe him as having a Beer Belly,
Saggy Balls, a Wrinkly Butt and a Small pecker.
Please email me back so I'll know you're OK.
Sincerely worried,
Your Concerned Friend Gloria
Jose and Carlos are panhandling
at the freeway off-ramp.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house
and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase
full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, 'Look at your sign.' It reads:
'I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support'
Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads:
'I only need another $10.00 to move back to MEXICO.'
We
All Still Have Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
AMERICA
The Land of The FREE
Because of The BRAVE
"
WOW "
http://www.thecopymacheen.com
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BARNEGAT
LIGHTHOUSE
"OLD
BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ
Barnegat Sunset
BARNEGAT, NEW
JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore
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