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for contributing to the content of today's page

                                       Lady Lynx

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click IMAGES OF A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY

Useless Facts 

The Average American eats about 11.9 lbs of cereal per year.

The Average American drinks about 600 sodas per year.

More People use blue toothbrushes then red ones.

The average American family views television six hours each day.

About two hundred babies are born worldwide every minute.

Nobody yet has explained satisfactorily why couples who marry in 
January, February, and March tend to have the highest divorce rates.

Tide has 70 percent of the market share for detergent.

Forty percent of the American population has never visited a dentist.

About 24 percent of alcoholics die in accidents, falls, fires, and suicides.

About 60 percent of all American babies are named after close relatives.

August is the month when most baby's are born.

Cold pizza is fairly popular. A survey found 15 percent actually PREFER pizza this way, suggesting that the number who love hot pizza but don't mind eating the leftovers cold the next day must be quite high indeed.

Two out of three adults in the United States have hemorrhoids.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets every year.

75% of people wash from top to bottom in the shower.

In the USA - more toilets flush at the half time of 
the Super Bowl than at any other time of the year.

The number of births in India each year is greater than 
the entire population of Australia.

Americans use over 16,000 tons of aspirin a year. 

The typical person swallows 295 times during dinner.

Conception occurs in December more than any other month. 

Each year approximately 250,000 American husbands are 
physically attacked and beaten by their wives.

Voted Best Joke of the Year 
in Australia

Tommy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with 
when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
If this was the BEST, 
I'd hate to hear the worst!!



A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock
on the door. When she opens the door a man asks her
if she has a vagina. The woman slams the door in disbelief
at what a stranger has just asked her.

The same thing happens for three consecutive days and
the woman decides to tell her husband.

The husband says to the wife, "Tomorrow I am not going
to work, and when the man asks if you have a vagina,
say 'yes' and I will be hiding behind the door."

The next day the same man comes again, and when the
woman opens the door he asks if she has a vagina. The
woman says,   "Yes".

The man then said, "Good, then please tell your husband
to stop fucking my wife."

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.



I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day.  
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights 
we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked 
if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."

Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now.  
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge. 

 "Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline 
that's a few inches wider these days!"

 She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.  
She teased me, saying that tubby bald men were cute, 
and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
"Anyway," she giggled,
"I've put on a few pounds myself!" 

So I told her to fuck off.



HEROES (hee-rhos'):  What a guy in a boat does.

HINDSIGHT: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

IMPREGNABLE:  A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:  How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

INFLATION:  Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MISER:  A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

MISTY (mis-tee'):  How golfers create divots.

MYTH:  A female moth.

MOSQUITO:  An insect that makes you like flies better.

OPPORTUNIST:  A person who starts taking bath 
if he accidentally falls into a river.

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

PARADOX (par'-u-doks'):  Two physicians.

PHILOSOPHER:  A fool who torments himself during life, 
to be spoken of when dead. 

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections 
and your confidence after. 

POLYGON:  A dead parrot. 

PRIVATE TUTOR:  Someone who doesn't fart in public. 

PROFESSOR:  Someone who talks in someone else's sleep. 

QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before
the birth of the first child and occurs again
after the last child has left for college.

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery 
and air-conditioner for the kitchen. 

RELIEF (ree-leef'): What trees do in the spring. 

RUBBERNECK:  What you do to relax your wife.

SCHOOL TEACHER:  A disillusioned person 
who used to think they liked children.

SECRET:  Something you tell to one person at a time.

SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

SHOW OFF:  A child who is more talented than yours.

SKELETON:  A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

SUDAFED:  Brought litigation against a government official.

TOOTHACHE:  The pain that drives you to extraction.

VEGETARIAN:  Old Indian word for bad hunter.

YAWN:  An honest opinion openly expressed.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get 
to open their mouth.

WRINKLES:  Something other people have. 
You have character lines.





A young girl walked into a clothing store with her mother.

"I'd like to try on that dress in the window," she said.

"Well, young lady," said the clerk,
"we'd prefer that you use one of our dressing rooms."



 Little Johnny's teacher announced to the class --

"George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it!"

Upon hearing this, bewildered looks came to the faces
of many of the children in the classroom.

The teacher then asked the class,
"Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

"Because George still had the axe in is hand!"
exclaimed little Johnny.

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk noted,

"I just got kicked off the golf course for breaking 60."

"Breaking 60? That's amazing!" bellowed Tom.

Hawk smiled and said, "Yeah,
I never even knew a golf cart could go that fast!"



A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and 
have dinner with her parents.  Since this is such a big event, 
the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, 
she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, 
so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.  
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist 
helps the boy for about an hour.  He tells the boy everything 
there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many 
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.  
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks 
he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house 
and meets his girlfriend at the door.  
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, 
come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table 
where the girl's parents are seated.  The boy quickly offers 
  to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, 
with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, 
the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 
"I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, 
"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

I WANT HER ON OUR TEAM

Salespeople are so rude these days. I went into a haberdashery 
to buy a tie and the salesman held up one for $20. I said,
"Could you show me something cheaper?" 

So he held up a tie for $10. I said,
"Could you show me something cheaper?" 

So he held up a tie for $5. I said, 

"You don't understand. I'd like to see something real cheap." 

So he held up a mirror.



Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet,
my sister Betty rushed him to the emergency room.

"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. 
"The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." 

"How will I be sure?" she pressed. 

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. 
When he falls off, you'll know.



My problem is concentration. The only time I can keep my mind on 
two things at the same time-- is during a Dolly Parton concert.

      
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

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BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore