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for contributing to the content of today's page

                                       Lady Lynx

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A Scottish couple was walking across the meadows. The girl looked
at the guy and shyly asked, "Would you like to hold my hand?"

"Uh...well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?"

She said, "By the gleam in your eye."

They walked a little further and the girl said, "Would you
like to kiss me?"

"Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?"

She said, "By the gleam in your eye."

As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump; the girl looked at
the boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?"

"Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? By the
gleam in my eye?"

"No," replied the girl, "by the TILT IN YOUR KILT."

Actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government
employee performance evaluations.
<> 
  "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom
& has started to dig."
<>
  "I would not allow this employee to breed."
<>
 "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of definite won't be."
<>
  "Works well when under constant supervision
& when cornered like a rat in a trap."
<>
   "When she opens her mouth,
it seems that it is only to change feet."
<>
  "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
<>
  "He sets low personal standards & then
consistently fails to achieve them."
<>
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
<>
  "This employee should go far,
& the sooner he starts, the better."
<>
  "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
 <>
  "He would argue with a signpost."
<>
  "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
<>
  "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
<> 
   "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
<> 
  "Gates are down, the lights are flashing,
but the train isn't coming."
<>
"If he were any more stupid,
he'd have to be watered twice a week."
<>
 "If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you'd get change."
<>
  "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;
he only gargled."
<>
  "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
<>
"The wheel is turning,
but the hamster is dead"

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.



You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.



If all the cars in the United States were placed end-to-end,
it would probably be Memorial Day Weekend...



Confucius says:
Man who drives like hell bound to get there.

 

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?



Nobody tailgates me on I-95 since I put a
" TIRES by FIRESTONE "
sticker on the bumper.



Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster is a maniac?

How did you lose your job at the dress shop?"
Sheri asked Blondie.

"Well, after trying on about 85 dresses,
the customer said to me,
"I think I'd look nicer in something flowing" ---

And I suggested the Mississippi........."



MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things
I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;
Do You Want Fries With That?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

The original point and click tool was a Smith and Wesson.



I tell ya, I don't get no respect;
Especially from my wife.  She's a real bitch.
She won a trip to Las Vegas for two.
She went twice.
Rodney Dangerfield

A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana
stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril,
and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all,
you're not eating right"

      
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

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BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore