Many thanks to all and to
AngOBri, Trish, Nekia,  Goalymom3, 
Youniqu101, Tootsie 
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

"Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, 
is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back!"

A cocktail party is an affair where a man gets stiff,
a woman gets tight, and they return home
to find that neither is either!



Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an
Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man
was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
'T-square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper
and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,
'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with
a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said
'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,
got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly
8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said,
'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said,
'Coffee Break.....do your stuff.'

Coffee Break jumped to his feet - -
ate the cookies . .
drank the milk . .
shit on the paper . .
screwed the other three cats . .
claimed he injured his back while doing so . .
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions . .
put in for Workers Compensation . . . and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave !!!!!!!!!!



Some QUOTES from the FAMOUS 
 
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself -
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 
                                                                     AMEN to that ! !

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish
to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning
and a good ending; and to have the two
as close together as possible.
George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury
Groucho Marx

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down
if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older,
it will avoid you.
Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal

THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
><><
PASS MY SHOTGUN
PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
PUFFY MID-SECTION
PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
PARDON MY SOBBING
PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
PASS MY SWEATS
PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
PACK MY STUFF
 1 POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

"I always dress for the occasion Dear, and
today just happens to be my birthday."

Prenuptial Agreement - Cajun Style"

Boudreaux done got old and his chilen dun put him in the
old folks home near Beau Bridge, Louisiana where he dun met
a lovely lady dat were from Texas.
Now Boudreaux being a fine upstanding Catholic, he didn't wan
to do nutin dat were aganst his religion, no.
 
So he dun propose marriage.
 
Now both Boudreaux and Mable were in their 80s.

Mable went and told everyone at the Senior Citizens home
the good news.
 
Renee, Mable's best friend told her that since she was very wealthy
and the person she was about to wed was, well to say the least
not worth much and she should insist on a Prenuptial Agreement.

Mable was sitting on the porch swing with Boudreaux
and she told him she would marry him providing he would sign
a prenuptial agreement.

Boudreaux dun told Mable I'll sign agreement, you bet,
'cause I luv you so much.'

Mable got out her pen and paper and started:

She said: I want to keep my house down in Texas with all the oil wells.

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my shak on the bayou.

She said: I want to keep my Cadillac, BMW and Lexus.

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my pick 'em up truck.

She said: I want to keep my yacht that is moored near
my summer home in Padre Island, Texas .

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my canoe on the bayou.

She said: I want to keep all my jewelry.

He said: That's fine with me.

She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.

He said: Put me down for Fridays!



A little twisted but . .
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until
you get older. Little things like being spanked every
day by a middle aged woman...
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.



A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a
naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband
keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."





Three women . . .
one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are
chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.
That night all three would wear a leather bodice S&M style,
stilettos and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.
The engaged girlfriend said:
"The other night, when my boyfriend came back home,
he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask.
He said, "You are The woman of my life, I love you.
Then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night  we met in the office.
I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over
my eyes and a raincoat.  When I opened the raincoat,
he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."

The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids
to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready,
leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller
and a beer, and said,

"Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

DID YOU KNOW?
- -
a stallion is a male horse
a mare is a female horse
a foal is a baby horse
a filly is a young female horse
a colt is a young male horse
a yearling is a foal after its first birthday
a sire is the word used for the father of a horse
a dam is the word used for the mother of a horse
a pony is not a baby horse. It is a fully grown small horse
a horse's height is measured in hands. One hand = 4"
a mare is pregnant (or "in foal") for 11 months
a foal is able to stand up and within 1-2 hours of birth
average life span for a horse is around 20 -25 years
there are over 350 different breeds of horses and ponies



Jill: "I had to break up with my boyfriend.
I caught him lying."

Mary: "Isn't that a bit overboard Jill?
At least give him a chance to explain."

Jill: "Oh no, I caught him lying .....
in bed and on top of another woman."





FUNNY SIGNS

Anesthesiologist business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best.
****
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
****
In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
****
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
****
At a Proctologist's door:
'To expedite your visit please back in.'
****
On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
****
On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..'
****
On a Church's Billboard:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'
****
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
'Invite us to your next blowout.'
****
At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'
****
On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
****
In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action.'
****
On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'
****
At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place.'
****
On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
****
On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
****
At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment.'
****
Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'
****
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
****
At the Electric Company
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.'
****
In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up.'
****
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
****
At a Propane Filling Station:
'Thank heaven for little grills.'
****
At a Chicago Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak."





A doctor said to his patient: "You have a slight heart
condition, but I wouldn't worry about it."

"Really, Doc?" the patient replied. "Well, if you had a slight
heart condition I wouldn't give a damn about it either."





As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens,
a lady asked the stewardess:

"What's that stuff on those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.

"That's what I thought," said the lady,
"but this fellow in front of
me said it was Greece.



"Just what the fuck do you want?"


He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation,
turned to bartender and said,
"Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . . "

"Stop -- I don't permit talk about politics in my bar!"
said the bartender.

A few minutes later the gent tried again,
"People say about the Pope ... "

"No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in.

One more try to break the boredom...
" I thought the Yankees would..."

"No sports talk...That's how fights start in bars."

"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"

"Sure."

"Good. Go fuck yourself."

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar
joke.  After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class
decided to  walk out the next time he started.  The professor got wind
of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said,

"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about
the shortage of whores in India?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
 
"Wait, ladies," cried the professor.
"The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

We All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World
Now lets think ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates’ positions on
the important topics of the day and then
VOTE your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you know
is fighting some kind of battle!"

AND 
BRING THEM HOME,
NOW . . . ALIVE!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

         

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

. . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . . 

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT LIGHTHOUSE

"OLD  BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ

USE YOUR BACK BUTTON TO RETURN TO MAIN PAGE
AFTER VIEWING ABOVE SITE

  Barnegat Sunset

The Fleet