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MUST BE GLOBAL WARMING
WOMEN'S SWIMSUIT METAMORPHOSIS




Woman's Wine Quote:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they
mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote:
"Women are like fine wine.  They all start out fresh,
fruity and intoxicating to the mind. Then turn full-bodied with age
until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."




QUOTES

Money is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master.
P.T. Barnum

If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success;
if you don’t, you have achieved half your failure.
David V.A. Ambrose

Never "for the sake of peace and quiet"
deny your own experience or convictions.
Dag Hammarskjold

We can do no great things --
only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa

If you think education is expensive -
try ignorance.
Derek Bok

The subway car was packed beyond capacity.
It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to
the man behind her and said,

"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing,
I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss.
That's just my pay check in my pocket," replied the guy.

"Oh really!" she spat. "Then you must really have
quite some job, because that's the fifth raise
you've had in the last half-hour."



During a holiday vacation in a Las Vegas,
the wife of doctor telephoned a local casino
and asked to have her husband paged.

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply,
"The house does not make doctor calls!

Although a bright and able man, my husband is
almost completely helpless when faced with even
the simplest domestic chore. One day,
in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our friend,
Betty, had taught her husband Frank, to cook, sew
and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened
to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said,

"What would you do if anything happened to me?"

After considering that possibility for a moment,
my husband said happily,
"I'd move in with Frank."



MISQUOTES

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."   
Lillian Carter

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. 
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman
I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea.  Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. 
You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.  
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you
a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness?  It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
Joe Namath

I don't feel old.  I don't feel anything until noon. 
Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because
of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
WC Fields

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.        
Billy Crystal

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting Married?"

 "Yep!"

 "Do I know her?"

 "Nope!"

 "This woman, is she good looking?"

 "Not really."

 "Is she a good cook?"

 "Naw, she can't cook too well."

 "Does she have lots of money?"

 "Nope!  Poor as a church mouse."

 "Well then, is she good in bed?"

 "I don't know."

 "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

 "Because she can still drive!"

Ain't It The Truth
<>
Most people deserve each other.

All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to
the amount of money spent on the wedding.

The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and
apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.

Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the
way they look from behind.

If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember
you the next time they are in need.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases
greatly when you are out with someone you do not want
to be seen with.

Toothaches always start on Friday night right before
the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.



How's  This For Depressing ?? 

Brigette  Bardot 71  Stella  Stevens 68  Sophia  Loren 71
Gina Lollobrigida 78  Deborah  Kerr 94  Lena  Horne 88
Kay  Starr 83  Patti  Page 78 Annette Funicello 63
Barbara Eden 71 Angie Dickenson 74  Doris  Day 81
Joan Collins 72 Julie Christie 64 Leslie Caron  74
Carroll Baker 74 Ann-Margret 64 Debra Padget 72
Julie Andrews 70 Ursula Andress 69 Rita Moreno 74
Jean  Simmons 76 Julie Newmar 72 Kim Novak 72
Jane  Powell 76 Debbie Reynolds 73  Shirley  Temple 77
Jane Russell 84 Kathryn Grayson 83  Esther  Williams 82
Elke Sommer 65 Gale Storm 83 Jill St. John  65
Liz Taylor 73 Mamie Van Doren 74

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth
after all the conflicting medical studies:

1.  The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
2.  The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3.  The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4.  The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5.  The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The couple's young daughter had adopted a stray cat.
To her mother's distress, the cat began to use the back of their
new sofa as a scratching post.

"Don't worry," her husband reassured her.
"I'll have him trained in no time."

They watched for several days as he patiently "trained" their
new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, he deposited the cat
outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he
wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

   
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

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On The Jersey Shore