MOSTLY ADULT JOKES AND HUMOR.
IF EASILY OFFENDED, LEAVE NOW !
IF UNDER 18 JUST GO AWAY,
and straighten up your room.

"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today! "

Many thanks to
WilsonKKW, Trish, Heartlace, CurleyDave, Grandmary13 
for contributing to the content of today's page

A Brand New Issue
Online Every WEDNESDAY.

                                       Lady Lynx

GREETINGS and WELCOME to all the new readers 
who joined us this past week.
This site contains MOSTLY ADULT MATERIAL. 
It is designed for an ADULT audience.
Nothing here is meant to offend any one!!
If you are easily offended, you may unsubscribe 
from our Reminder e-Mailer, via the link included there. 
It is sent to all registered subscribers. 
ENJOY

HAPPY HOLIDAY TO ALL

If you are reading this and have not as yet subscribed,
Click here ->  for an E-MAIL REMINDER of every new issue !
It's always FREE

This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour
day and collapses in bed.

He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says,
"What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful,
sexy, horny woman lying next to you?"

He replied.  "Don't worry honey I'd stay faithful!"

We've been married a little over four years,
and we just celebrated our
"Wooden" Anniversary.

I asked her to give me a blow job and she
"wooden."

BASIC TEST FOR "FORWARDING"
Alerts, Warnings, Appeals, Hoaxes, Critiques, Rumors

Have you made every effort to assure that
what you are about  to forward is TRUE?

Is what you are about to forward, something for GOOD?

Is what you are about to forward, going to be USEFUL to anyone?

If, what you plan to pass on, is neither TRUE nor GOOD
nor even USEFUL, why forward  it at all?



America is the land of opportunity.
Everyone can become a taxpayer.

A fool and his money are soon parted.
The rest of us wait until income tax time.



The average man now lives thirty-one years longer
than he did in 1850.
He has to in order to get his taxes paid.



What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a financial problem you 
didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.




A lot of people still have the first dollar they ever made.
Uncle Sam has all the others.



TAX POEM
<>
Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.

Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.

Tax his car, tax his ass
Tax the roads he must pass.

Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"

And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!
Author Unknown

Osama Bin Laden's list of travel demands
By John Breneman
The Humor Gazette

One 30-pack of Milwaukee's Best beer
and a jug of Mountain Dew Code Red

A 64-inch, high-definition, flat-panel
plasma television tuned to Al-Jazeera

Two packs of Camel non-filtered cigarettes

A half-pound of fois gras pate and a box of Ritz crackers

Two unopened bags of Sta-Puff marshmallows

Five tins of Dinty Moore beef stew

A half-dozen nubile virgins

A bag of opium

An organic buckwheat pillow

Three unopened canisters of VX nerve gas

A suitcase containing $50,000 in unmarked U.S. $100 bills

A Baxter 1550 kidney dialysis machine
and six chilled pints of type O blood

A Gideon Koran in the top drawer of his nightstand

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
Last night she used me to time an egg.
 
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips,
yet she won't drink from my glass!
 
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store,
and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said,
"Did you see the guy that did it?" She said,
"No, but I got the license plate."
 
Last night my wife met me at the front door.
She was wearing a sexy negligee.
The only trouble was, she was coming home.
 
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home!
 
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
 
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
 
If it weren't for pick-pockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
 
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said,
"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said,
"No, I hate myself now."
 
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag
over her head comes off.
 
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons
to cure sex offenders.
 
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss
in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
 
I was such an ugly baby,
when I was born the Dr. slapped my Mother.
 
I went to see my Dr. . . Dr. Vinnie Goomba.
He asked if I had this before? I said yes.
He said well you got it again.
 
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window
and got arrested for mooning!
 
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked.
I asked "Why?" He said "Because you came home early."
 
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for alka-seltzer.
 
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear
the Fruit of the Loom guys giggling.
 
At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.
 
My wife is such a bad cook,
in my house we pray after the meal.
 
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex;
she called me from Chicago last night.

Whomever said that truth never hurts
never had to fill out a Form 1040.

There are two types of people
who complain about paying their income tax.
Men and women.



I hate junk mail . . .and that includes the tax forms they send me.



Q:  Why is a tax loophole like a good parking spot?
A: As soon as you see one, it's gone.



Income tax is Uncle Sam's version of "Truth or Consequences."





Doing your own income tax return is a lot like a 
do-it-yourself mugging.



There was a time when $1200 would buy a car.
Now it's the sales tax.



Drive carefully.
Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.



A dollar saved is bound to be taxed.
And so is a penny earned. 



It's hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.



After one pays their income tax,
one knows how a cow feels after she's been milked.



Income tax forms should be printed on Kleenex
because so many of us have to pay through the nose.



Bumper Sticker:
When you do a good deed,
get a receipt in case Heaven is like the IRS.

"Explain again how this can help cure tennis elbow."

SEVEN KINDS OF SEX

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time
and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere,
even in the kitchen.

 The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.
Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only!
in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long.
When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called: Religious Sex,
which means you get Nun in the morning,
Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kid of sex:
Social Security Sex.
  You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.



Q: Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?

Because for every $50 that you earn, 
you get $10 and they get $40.



A political promise today 
means another tax tomorrow.



The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could while the guy
was dawdling over the breakfast menu. He says, being a smart ass,

"I usually never return to a restaurant unless one of the sausages
I'm served with my eggs is a match in size for my own."

The waitress replied, "In that case, sir, perhaps you should be
looking at the children's menu."

    

"And then, he opened his coat like this."

A guy came home from work,
"Honey, where are you?"

"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.

"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.

"What do you want," she called out,
"good grammar or good taste?"

~ ON IMMIGRATION ~
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith, becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907 
 

   
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

THE BEGINNING

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

Look for a NEW issue every
  WEDNESDAY

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO I MAY PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

   . . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . .   

SUBSCRIBE TO THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT, NEW JERSEY
On The Jersey Shore