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"The
happiest people don't have the best of
everything.
They
just make
the best of everything."
"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today!
LIVE in the present, PLAN for the future
& PROFIT from the past. "
If
there's no smile on your face and no laughter in your heart,
YOU are just . . . . a sour old fart.
Many
thanks to
Heatlast,
TERRYGRAY11, AngOBri, ELZoller,
PURPLEMAKESMESMILE, Trish, HLR13,
Wannawynn
for contributing to the content of today's page.
Lady Lynx
Just
laugh----doesn't do any good to cry.
Julie Andrews turns 69 -
To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1,
actress/vocalist,
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at
Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP.
One of the musical numbers she performed was
"My Favorite Things"
from the legendary movie, "Sound Of Music".
Here are the lyrics she used:
(Turn off
our background music and hum
the tune we all know, as you read .)
Maalox
and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and
glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers , golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
(Ms.
Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd.
It lasted over four minutes plus many repeated
encores.)
The college dorm advisor heard strange noises
from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He
knocked on the door and said,
"Mr. Todd! Are you entertaining in
there?"
From behind the door, Todd answered,
"Just a second -- I'll ask her.
A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and
ordered a drink.
While he was sitting at the bar watching T.V., one of
Hillary's political ads
came on. After it went off, he stood up
and announced to everyone,
"Hillary is a horse's ass!"
The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an
oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man
square across
the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the
floor.
After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened
himself up
and said to the bartender,
"I'm sorry. I didn't know this was Hillary
country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender.
"This is horse country".
"Get ready, get set . . ."
Element
:
WOMAN
Symbol
:
Wo (woe is me)
Atomic
mass :
Accepted as 53.6
kg may vary from 40 – 200 kg
Occurrence
:
Copious quantities in all urban areas
Physical properties :
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal
to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
Chemical
properties :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of
precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning
and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly
increases
by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
Common
uses :
1.
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent
Test
:
1.
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in
natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
Potential
hazards :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several
can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens
do not come into direct contact with each other.
Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE
SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE
"Nancy's 
Fancies"
click
above
Nancy, our GUEST EDITOR, well known by regular readers, has been ill recently
and unable to submit her usual monthly page. However,
from time to time,
just to 'keep her hand in', an insertion of what
she does put together,
will appear here for everyone to enjoy. We all
wish her a speedy recovery.
Link
to contact Nancy
This guy got a job playing the piano in a whorehouse.
But he had to quit after the first week.
He couldn't stand the fucking overhead.
"Isn't it
wonderful, in our stressful lives,
that we can take the time now and then,
to smell the roses?"
There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of
town,
and at the appropriate corner there was a large sign
proclaiming....
"If you are weary of sin and want to be saved,
turn here,
go 100 yards, and come into the revival tent."
Below the sign someone had hung another smaller
one....
"If NOT weary,
call Sherry 555-3550
Men are like....
Men are like ....Laxatives ......
They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like ....... Bananas .....
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ...... Weather .....
Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like . Blenders .....
You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ...... Chocolate Bars .....
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.
Men are like . Commercials ......
You can't believe a word they say.
. Men are like ....... Department Stores
.....
Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ....... Government Bonds
.....
They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ...... Mascara ......
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ...... Popcorn ......
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like .... Snowstorms ......
You never know when they're coming, how many
inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like . Lava Lamps .....
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ....... Parking Spots
......
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
To
my friends with Children:
Why parents drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
had not arrived one day and had not phoned in sick.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,
he dialed the employee's home phone number and was
greeted with a child's whisper.
"
Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"
Yes ,"
whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "
No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss
asked,
"Is your Mommy there?" "
Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice
whispered, "
No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
message,
the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"
Yes ,"
whispered the child, "
a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home,
the boss asked, "May I speak with the
policeman?"
"
No, he's busy ",
whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,"
came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the
background,
the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"
A helicopter "
answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss,
now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,
" The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss
asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle...
"
ME ."
><><
STUFF
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of
getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get
it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them,
five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog
while talking on a cell phone.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait
will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day
drinking beer.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a
dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in
the hands of
12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury
duty.
Why do mice have such tiny balls?
Because so few of them can dance.
A
young
couple were married, and celebrated their first night
together,
doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all
night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the
bathroom but finds
no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the
bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the
door,
exposing his body for the first time to his bride
where she sees all of him well.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway,
they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly,
"What's that?",
pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then
said,
"Well, that's what we had so much fun with last
night."
And she, in amazement, asked,
"Is that all we have left?"
A
man boarded an airplane in Sydney,
Australia, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took it and promised
to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember
who gave her the package,
so she announced to the entire cabin,
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in
Sydney
please raise your hand?"
Would you believe, not a single hand went up.
Thought for the Day
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on
it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Face it, friend -
He is crazy about you!
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without
sorrow,
sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the
day,
comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
If God brings you TO it, He will bring you THROUGH it.
Theodore
Roosevelt - on Immigrants
and being an AMERICAN.
26th
President of the USA
"In
the first place, we should insist that if the
immigrant who comes here in good faith
becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he
shall be treated on an exact equality with
everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate
against any such man because of creed, or
birthplace, or origin.
But
this
is predicated upon the person's becoming, in every
facet, an American,
and nothing
but an American...
There can be no
divided allegiance
here. Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American at
all.
We have room for but one
flag,
the American flag...
We have room for but one
language
here, and that is the English language...
and we have room for but one
sole loyalty
and that is a loyalty to the American people."
We
All Still Have Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
"
WOW "
http://www.thecopymacheen.com
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