"Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

"There are no new sins; 
the old ones just get more publicity." 

"A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, 
even the calendar says
W T F . . . ."

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass....
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

Tax  Reminder.........April 15, 2010
 Important tax  reminder:  fp  


fp

Don't forget to pay  your taxes....

Muchas  gracias!  

21 million illegal aliens are depending on you!  

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher,
John absent so he asks the manager, "Where's John?"

The manager tells the man that "John was fired because
he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer"

Then the man asked, "Where is the meat slicer now?"

The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."



 Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin
when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week
and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'
They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked,
'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins
and six singles, ten in all!'

The Father said,
'That's wonderful!  How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out 
yer fookin' candle!'

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. 
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:

"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love..
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:.....

F
 "Didn't feel a thing."



DOG LOGIC

If you pickup a starving dog and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you; that is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
-
If your dog is fat, you need more exercise
Unknown
-
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney
-
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags
his tail instead of his tongue..
Anonymous
-
A dog is the only thing
on earth that loves you more than he loves himself..
Josh Billings
-
My dog is worried about the
economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
Joe Weinstein
-
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
Roger Caras

A man goes to his doctor for a check-up.  Half way through,
the doctor tells him to take down his trousers.
 
The doctor pulls forward his pants and stands back in surprise,
as there is a squirrel in a chauffeur's uniform and little hat. 

The doctor, in disbelief, looks again; and, sure enough, there is
a squirrel, and he is dressed as a chauffeur.

       "Did you know you have got a squirrel dressed as a chauffeur
down your pants?" asks the doctor.

       "Yes," says the man, "and he's driving me nuts."




I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising
in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads. 
Well, in my book, this one should get the prize.... 
   
I e-mailed it to my  Chinese doctor friend. 
He e-mailed back:

"If light stay on for more than 4 hours,
call your erectrician." 

 

Inspiring Seniors
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to
"make a  difference" in the world.  It is at these times that our
hopes are  boosted by the remarkable achievements
of other "seniors" who have found  the courage to
take on challenges that would make many
of us wither.
Harold Schlumberger is such a person. 

f

I've  often been asked, "What do you old folks do now
that you're 'retired'? Well.. I'm fortunate to have a
chemical engineering background, and one of
the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine,  
Scotch and Margaritas into urine!"


  Boy, Am I rich!  
I never thought I'd
accumulate such wealth.
f
Silver in the Hair 
Gold in the Teeth. 
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood.
Lead in the Feet.
Iron in the Arteries.
And an inexhaustible supply
of Natural Gas.



Life explained 

TWO WOLVES 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle
that goes on inside people. 

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. 

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,

inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied,
"The one you feed."

 
 
I've just found out I can still have sex at 74!

I am so happy because I live at 68,
so it's not far to walk home . . .