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"The
happiest people don't have the best of
everything.
They
just make the best of everything."
"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today!
LIVE in the present, PLAN for the future
& PROFIT from the past. "
If
there's no smile on your face and no laughter in your heart,
YOU are just . . . . a sour old fart.
Many
thanks to
Nita's Niche,
AngOBri, Reinbohntr, Trish,
for contributing to the content of today's page.
Lady Lynx
Moses dies and goes to Heaven.
God greets him at the Pearly Gates.
"Are you hungry, Moses?" asks God.
"I could eat," Moses replies.
God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye
bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal,
Moses looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants
devouring huge steaks, briskets, pheasants, pastries
and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, he remains quiet.
The next day God again invites him to join Him for a meal.
Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Moses can see
the denizens of Hell enjoying salmon, champagne, lamb,
truffles and chocolates. Still he says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another
can of tuna is opened. He can't contain himself any longer.
Meekly, he says:
"God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you
as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But
here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread,
and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings!
I just don't understand."
God sighs. "Let's be honest,"
"For just two people, does it pay to cook?"
Wife: Look at the old clothes I have to wear. If anyone came to visit,
they would think I was the cook!
Husband: Well, they'd change their mind
if they stayed for dinner!
My husband and I were in a heated argument that lasted over two
hours, neither of us willing to give in. Finally,
I looked at him and said
"I only have one thing left to say, Lorena Bobbett only
got six months!"
He stared at me, thinking for a few seconds, then replied
"Yeah?
Well O.J. got off scott free!"
Government True-isms
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul
can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from
poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government
is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it
stops moving, subsidize it.
Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government
and report the facts.
Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now,
wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money
as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe
while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
Unknown
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist
is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson
Click here: Too Many Pills
 USE
Home or Back BUTTON to RETURN TO THIS PAGE
AFTER VIEWING - DON'T GET X'd OFF THE SITE
It was the Ides of March and the Romans were suffering from allergies.
When the Senate convened, the senators arrived with puffy eyes
and runny noses. The Senate took a short recess, and
Caesar’s close friend Marcus Brutus approached him
on the Senate steps. Caesar burst out,
“Aahh choo, Brute!”
Remember . . . I don't write
'em!!
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
How come it takes 6 men to carry a man to his grave
but only one woman to put him there?
Two friends meet in the office of one of them,
a notorious techo-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Congratulations, that new
secretary of yours is beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her.
Believe it or not, she's a robot!
"No way, how could that be?"
"She's the latest model from Japan.
Lemme tell you how she works. If you
squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation.
If you squeeze her right tit,
she types a letter. And that's not
all, she can have sex, too!"
"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what,
you can even borrow her"
So, his friend takes her into the restroom
and is in there with her for a while.
Suddenly, he hears him screaming
"Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah!
Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Oh Shit! I forgot to tell him
her ass is a pencil sharpener!"
There's
a new product out for men who want to satisfy
their woman
in the great outdoors, but don't want to get
chewed
up by mosquitoes.
It's a combination of Viagra & insect
repellent.
It's called "Fuck-Off"!!!
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?",
here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying
an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article
about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the
man next to her and said,
"Did you know that every time I breathe, somebody dies"?
"Really"? he said. "Have you tried mouthwash"?
We
All Still Have Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
"
WOW "
http://www.thecopymacheen.com
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