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"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today!
LIVE in the present, PLAN for the future
& PROFIT from the past "
Many
thanks to
Trish,
AngOBri, Terrygray11, Heartlast
for contributing to the content of today's page.
Lady Lynx
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C.
The guide pointed out the place where George Washington
supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.
"That's impossible," said the tourist.
"No one could throw a coin that far!"
"You have to remember," answered the guide.
"A dollar went a lot farther in those days."
SOME
WRECKS ARE HARD TO EXPLAIN
The newly wed wife said to her husband
when he returned from work,
"I have great news for you.
Pretty soon we're going to be three
in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing
with happiness and kissing his wife said,
"Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning
my mother moves in with us," she replied.
REMINDER
March
11th,
2007
Daylight Saving Time Begins
Daylight Saving Time has been used on and off,
with different start and end dates.
Currently, Daylight Saving Time begins at 2:00 A.M.
on the second Sunday of March and ends at 2:00 A.M.
on the first Sunday in November.
Don't forget to turn your clocks
AHEAD
one hour.
Did you hear the report that the leading manufacturer of
imported vibrators is a Japanese firm that now calls itself
Genital Electric?
Proctologist
Retirement Parties
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight
back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
My three-month-old son was sleeping in his stroller
while we visited the park. A little boy about three years old
came up and asked me,
"Is that your baby?"
"Yes," I answered.
"What's his name?"
"Erick," I told him.
"Can he walk?"
"No, he's much too young."
"Can he crawl?"
"No, not yet."
The little boy looked confused.
"Then what did you bring him here for?"
A couple on a safari was going through Africa when a lion leaped out,
attacking the husband. As the lion was about to put the man's head
in his mouth, the victim yelled to his wife,
"Shoot! Shoot!"
The wife called back,
"I can't, I'm out of film!"
The Texan, seated in the hotel cocktail lounge,
beckoned the waitress back and said,
"May I have a piece of ass?"
"Lord!" She said astonished.
"That's gotta be the most direct proposition I've ever
had in my life. But why not? Let's go on up to your room."
When they returned, she said,
"And now sir, will there be anything else?"
"Yeah, lil' Lady." the cowboy replied.
"I still need ah piece of ass for mah drink."
Three boys received their grades from their
female sex education instructor.
One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. We'll grab her..." said the second.
"Yeah," said the third.
"And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"
"This house," said the real estate salesman,
has both its good points and its bad points.
To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant
one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which
way the wind is blowing."
A woman goes to the police station to report
that her husband was missing.
"Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer.
"He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures,"
Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was."
Thought for the Day
A real home is more than a roof over your head.
It is a foundation under your feet.
A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and
everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his intimate life.
"Well... " the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest.
The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around.
In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls,
none of whom were over thirty years old! "
"My goodness Bill, and at your age too. " the doctor said.
"I hope you at least took some precautions. "
"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet Doc.
I give 'em all a phony name. "
SOME
DAYS YOU JUST CAN'T WIN
A man walks into a Glasgow library
and says to the prim librarian,
"Excuse me Miss, day ye have ani books on suicide?"
The librarian stops doing her tasks,
looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says
"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
Two drunks were driving down the road.
The first drunk looked over to the other drunk and says,
"I think we are getting closer
to downtown."
The second drunk says, "How can you tell?"
The first drunk says
"We're hitting more and more people."
Did you hear about the scientist who crossed
a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages,
but knocks on the door when it gets there.
Here is something to ponder...........Do you know
what happened back in 1850, in California, 156 years ago?
California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like California is today, except the
women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.
Walter Cronkite:
Iraq War a "Disaster"
http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/022807B.shtml
Walter Cronkite weighs in on the situation in Iraq
stating:
"We should have gotten out a long time ago. This
is a mistake,
this entire war there, it's a disaster. And the
earlier we get out, the better.
It's a terrible disaster. Look at the loss of lives of
our young Americans there
and those who have been maimed for life, for what
purpose?
No purpose we can define."
We
All Still Have Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
"
WOW "
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