"Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I liked breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch.

Apparently, I'm not welcome back at KFC.

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse,
I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet,
who insisted he didn't need my help
to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'  

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

      
Four Catholic men and a Catholic  woman 
were having coffee after mass.  
The first Catholic man tells  his friends,
"My son is a priest, when he walks  into a room,
and everyone calls him 'Father'."  

The second Catholic man chirps,
"My son  is a Bishop. When he walks into a room
people  call him 'Your Grace'."

The third  Catholic man says,
"My son is a Cardinal. When  he enters a room
everyone says 'Your Eminence'."  

The fourth Catholic man says,
"My son is  the Pope. When he walks into a room
people call  him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone  Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in  silence,
the four men gave her a look and said,  "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have  a daughter, slim, tall, 38 Double D breasts,
24"  waist, and 34" hips. When she walks into a room,  people  say, 
"Oh  My God!"
                      

 
HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell The difference
Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought
it had to be determined surgically. Until Now.

Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...See If You Can Spot
Which of The Two Is The Female.
It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.!  

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Click here: It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night
http://jbreck.com/itsshardtokiss.html

Use your BACK button after viewing above link
to return to The Copy Macheen
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 * How many hillbillies does it take eat a 'possum? Two.
One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

* Best bar pick-up line in Kentucky:
Hey, you sure don't sweat much for a fat woman."

* Did you hear about the hillbilly who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved
widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

* What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a
hillbilly? The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.

* What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
Nice tooth!

* How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say
"I've gotta leak in my sink" and the
person at the front desk says "go ahead."

* How can you tell if a hillbilly is married?
There are tobacco juice stains on 
both sides of his pickup truck.

A true love story

Once upon a time a Prince
asked a beautiful Princess,

"Will you marry me?"
 
The Princess said, "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank
beer and coffee and had tons of money in the bank
and left the toilet seat up and farted
whenever he wanted.  
THE END

Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other,

"You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that
your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second black guy says, "Yeah, all the time."

The other says, "Why is that?"

The second says, "I think it's the pepper spray."

 

Hot and Cold Sex

After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man:
"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any 
medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"  

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually 
cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, 
I am usually hot and sweaty."

Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical 
concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" 

She replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 
"Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that 
he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you
 the first time, and then hot and sweaty 
after the second time. 
Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. 
"That's because the first time is usually in January 
and the second time is in August."

 

Have you ever wondered what the difference between 
Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made 
a special effort with his family on the weekends.  
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old 
granddaughter out for a drive in the car for 
some bonding time -- just him and his 
granddaughter. 

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold 
and really didn't feel like being up at all. 
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue 
and said that she would 
take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously
ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'

'Oh yes, Bopa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? 
We didn't see a single ass hole, dumb bastard, 
dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we 
went today!'

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? 

A Sobering Thought For The Day
A