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"A Day without a Smile is like a Day without Sunshine.
Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow & Live Today!
LIVE in the present, PLAN for the future
& PROFIT from the past "
Many
thanks to
AngOBri,
Heartlast, Trish,
for contributing to the content of today's page.
Lady Lynx
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message
after the beep. If I do not return your call . . .
you are one of the changes."
At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us,
"Always try to keep the number of landings you make
equal to the number of take offs you make."
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to
a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,
"ATTENTION ALL"
and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed,
and the husband looks at the drunk and says
" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunk replies,
"I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
I can still hear someone's Mom
saying:
"Don't play with those;
you know they could put somebody's eye out!"
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day,
we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible
like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt,
so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
"Please, God, don't let those cars
block the entrance to McDonald's."
"You probably want to talk to my wife. She
wears the pants in this family".
PERKS OF BEING OVER 62
(If you are not over 62,
this is what you have to look forward to)
Kidnappers are not interested in you.
In a hostage situation
you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You no longer think of speed limits as challenges.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter
who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists
than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down
to manageable size.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.
Have you ever wondered where the Phrase
"You Gotta Be Shitting Me" came from?
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the
Father of Our Country way back when, George Washington
was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.
There were 33 [remember this number] in Washington's boat.
It was extremely dark and storming furiously
and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters [remember this name]
and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him
to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued
swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters
and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and his troops
searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters,
but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal
had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed
on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.
He rallied the troops and told them
that they must go on.
Another hour later, one of his men said,
"General, I see lights ahead."
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.
What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute
hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding
around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood
a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face,
to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak,
"Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men.
We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need
warmth and comfort."
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there,
and with a broad smile on her face, said,
"Well, General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort.
How many men do you have?"
Washington replied,
"Well, madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."
And the Madam said,
"You gotta be shittin' me!"
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough
to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
I was always taught to respect my elders,
but each year it keeps getting harder to find one.
A repairman is walking through a mental institution.
He comes up to the first room and sees a man swinging an
imaginary baseball bat.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm Babe Ruth. As soon as I hit a homerun I'm out of here,"
The repairman wishes him well and continues on his way.
In the next room, there's a guy swinging an imaginary golf club.
"What the hell are YOU doing?" he asks.
"I'm Arnold Palmer. As soon as I make a hole in one
I'm out of here!" replies the man.
The repairman shakes his head and comes up to the next room.
There's a guy sitting naked balancing a peanut on the tip of his dick.
"What the hell are you doing!" he asks.
"I'm fucking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!
"I TOLD YOU TO FEED ME FIRST!"
My wife and I had words,
but I didn't get to use mine.
The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes
she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked,
lying in bed and putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.
The second old woman thought that this was a great idea,
so that night when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready
for bed, she got totally naked and began the process
of putting her legs behind her head.
The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic.
However, she finally got it in place She had an even tougher time
with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards
until she finally got it behind her head.
However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she
flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt
sticking straight up in the air.
It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair
and put your teeth in!
You look like an asshole."
We
All Still Have Hope That
Happier Days
Are Ahead For The World
Now
lets
think
ahead to '08.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice
AND
BRING
THEM HOME,
NOW
. . . ALIVE!
"
WOW "
http://www.thecopymacheen.com
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