Many thanks to all and special thanks to
 Trish, Terrygray11, Sheri, Tootsie,
AngOBri,   KerrieMI,  K1mmm
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

At my age, "getting a little action" means
I don't need to take a laxative.

Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad
was working on the computer.

"Dad," said Joey, "Remember when you told me
you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"

Dad's ears perked up and he excitedly looked over towards his son.

"Well, I've got some great news!" exclaimed Joey.

"Really?" replied his dad.

"Yes," said Joey, "I just saved you twenty bucks."



Wendy was reading a newspaper, while James, her husband,
was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
 
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here
where a guy is offering to swap his wife
for a season ticket to the stadium."
 
"Hmmm," James said, not looking up from his magazine.
 
Teasing him, Wendy said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
 
"Absolutely not," he said.
 
"How sweet," Wendy said. "Tell me why not."
 
"Season's more than half over," he said.

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little 
lady of the house exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's 
come off of me fly? I can't button me pants."

"Oh Angus, I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs
and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."

About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit 
of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs.

Walking back in the door with a blackened eye
and a bloody nose comes Angus.

The little lady looks at him and says, 
"My god, what happened to ya?
Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button,
an she did, everything was goin' fine but when she bent doon
to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."



THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half  discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe .
Well developed and open to trade, especially 
for someone with  cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain .
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece .
Gently aging  but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41  and 50, a woman is like Great Britain .
A  glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60 a  woman is like Israel .
Has been through war,  doesn't make the same mistakes 
twice and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada .
Self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After  70, she becomes Tibet .
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of
the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst
for spiritual knowledge visit  there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF MAN

Between 16 and 70, a man is like Iran .
Ruled by nuts.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes,
why do we still have monkeys and apes?



 As we men age, we end up seeing more and more of the
medical establishment, which nowadays has more and
more women in it.

For example, my family doctor recently referred me
to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she
is gorgeous. She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.
 
I asked her why, and she said,

"Because I'm trying to examine you."





An airline pilot wrote, that on this particular flight, he had
 hammered his ship into the runway really hard.  The airline 
had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
'Thanks for flying our airline.'
He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time
looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except
for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we SHOT down?'



A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends
was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came
home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him.
She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm,
tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband
sitting up in bed reading.
"Darn it woman!" he exclaimed.

"Did you lose everything?"



An Old Prospector

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western 
town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and
tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there
brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with
a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other

The young gunslinger looked at the  old man and laughed, saying,
'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started 
shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun
and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man
reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled
both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
'No. But I've always wanted to.'
----
The two lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
-----------------
I just love a story with a happy ending....don't you?

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

The Fleet