A cop was patrolling at night at
a well-known lovers' lane.
He sees a couple in a
car with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop approached the car to get
a closer look.
He saw a young man behind the
wheel reading a computer magazine.
He immediately noticed a young
woman in the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising
situation,
the cop gently rapped on the
driver's window.
The young man lowered his
window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well,
isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine,
sir."
Pointing towards the young
woman in the back seat, the cop said:
"And the young lady...what
is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir,
I believe she's knitting a pullover
sweater."
Now, the cop was totally confused.
A young couple.
Alone, in a car, at night
in a lovers' lane and nothing else is
happening!
"What's your age,
young man?" the cop asks.
"I'm 23, sir."
"And the young lady ... what's
her age?"
The
young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes,
sir."
In a tiny village on the Irish
coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it. Sensing that her final days
were rapidly
approaching, and desiring to make sure
everything was in proper
orderwhen she dies, she
went to the town's undertaker
(who also happened to be the
local postal clerk)
to make proper "final"
arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the
undertaker that she wanted the
following inscription
engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A
VIRGIN"
Not long after, the Old
maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the
undertaker--postal clerk went to
prepare the tombstone that the lady had
requested, it became quite
apparent that the tombstone that she had
selected was much too small
for the wording that she had chosen. He thought
long and hard about
how he could fulfil the old maid's final
request, considering the
very limited space available on the small piece
of stone. For days,
he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his
experience as a postal
worker allowed him to come up with what he
thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and
duly engraved,
andIt reads as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED "
It was a small town and the
patrolman was making his evening
rounds. As he was checking
a used car lot, he came upon two little
old ladies sitting in a
used car.!
He stopped and asked them why they were
sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal
it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it
away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a
Used car here we'd get screwed .
so we're just waiting.
A man decides to take
the opportunity while his wife is
away to paint the toilet seat. The wife
comes home sooner
than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck
to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this
and asks her
husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover
the stuck seat,
and they go. When they get to the
doctor's, the man lifts
his wife's coat to show their predicament. The
man asks,
"Doctor, have you ever seen anything like
this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies,
"but never framed."
Over the weekend I happened
to catch a glimpse of some
National Dog Show event as I
flipped through the channels.
The dog on the screen at the
time was a white English sheepdog.
It was simply a mound
of fur with four legs.
The judge was brushing back
the dog's hair
so she could look at
the animal's eyes.
The TV announcer was explaining that each
dog has to have its
eyes checked to make
sure they're the right shape, color, etc.
Another announcer chimed in with,
"Well, plus the judge
has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes.
'Cuz if you start combing
through all that hair and you only see ONE
eye..
. then you're looking at the
wrong end of the dog."
A British officer spotted a
"bum" at the bottom of the
escalator of the
London Underground. The
bum had a sign which read:
"VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE
FALKLANDS WAR."
The officer thought,
"Poor chap, I was there and it was
awful!"
Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, the
officer took 20 pounds out of his
wallet and gave it to the
busker. The officer was then thanked with a
hearty:
"Muchas Gracias,
Senor!!"
A
SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I
have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this
root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen,
say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is
superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake
oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is
ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is
artificial. Here, eat this root!"
An old cowboy went
into a bar and ordered a drink.
As
he sat there sipping his Whiskey, a young
lady sat down
next
to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked
him,
"Are
you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my
whole life on the ranch,
herding
cows." He then asked her what she
was.
She replied, "I'm a lesbian. I spend
my whole day thinking about
women.
As soon as I get up in the morning I think
of women.
When
I eat, shower, watch TV,
everything
seems to make me think of women! "
A little while later a couple sat down
next to the old
cowboy
and asked him, "Are you a real
cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was,
but
I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
Well, It must be SOMEBODY'S
birthday !!
All Y'all have
a good day.
Be healthy,
happy and safe.
USE Home or Back BUTTON to RETURN
Fancies"
PAGE
.
. . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . . 
