Many thanks to all and special thanks to
 Trish, DGOLDYOUNG, Terrygray11, 
AngOBri, Sheri, Tootsie
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

In the dim and distant past
When life’s tempo wasn’t so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.

When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she’s in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.

She’s checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma’s off her rocker.



Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women
who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.
-
Q: What can a man do while when retired
and staying home with his wife?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done, you will have
a peaceful place to live.
-
Q: How can you increase the heart rate
of your 60+ year old husband?
A:  Tell him you're pregnant.
-
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly-----wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
-
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
-
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with
short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not the problem;
retrieving it is the problem.
-
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
-
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
-
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds
when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these."

A man went into a pet store and asked the clerk,
"Do you have any dogs that go cheap?"

The salesman said, "No, just birds."



Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.

"My wife is mad at me again," says the first.

"Why?"

"I was bombed at the bar across the street last night
and she came looking for me."

"What'd you do?"

"I asked her for her phone number."




Sex In The Shower?

In a recent survey carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut',
people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely
to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Chicago's elite residents and government officials said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.




A researcher is doing a study on the sexual habits of
trailer park denizens in Alabama. He finds one family
with 12 kids, and decides to ask the mother some questions.

"Ma'am," he asks, "Don't take this the wrong way,
but do you know anything
about contraceptives?"

"What the hell're yu a talkin' bout?" is her dumbfounded reply.
"Okay, well, for instance... what do you and your husband use when
you're having sex? Do you use condoms? A diaphragm? IUD?"

"Nah," she replies.
"We get along fine just a usin' my ol'man's dick!"





 

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to
the first tee and took a mighty swing.

He missed the ball entirely and said 'Shit, I missed.'

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. 'Shit, I missed.'

'Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing',
The nun said tartly.

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says,
'Father John, God is going to
strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.'

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
'Shit, I missed.'

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

'SHIT, I MISSED!!

 My forgetter's getting better,
 But my rememberer is broke
 To you that may seem funny
 But, to me, that is no joke

 For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
 If I really should be 'there'
 And, when I try to think it through,
 I haven't got a prayer!

 Oft times I walk into a room,
 Say 'what am I here for?'
 I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
 A zero, is my score.

 At times I put something away
 Where it is safe, but, Gee!
 The person it is safest from
 Is, generally, me!

 When shopping I may see someone,
 Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
 Then, when the person walks away
 I ask myself, 'who on earth was that?'

 Yes, my forgetter's getting better
 While my rememberer is broke,
 And it's driving me plumb crazy
 And that isn't any joke.

 CAN YOU RELATE???  

Early sign of being Gay


  

My father used to say,
"Son, if you do that you'll go blind."
 
I'd say,
"Dad, I'm over here."

These classifieds actually ran in newspapers!
Hope you find  a smile or two amongst them.
-
         FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
         8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

         FREE PUPPIES:
         1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

         FREE PUPPIES..
         Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
         Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

         FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
         Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
         Better be a big reward.

         COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
         Also 1 gay bull for sale.

         NORDIC TRACK
         $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

          GEORGIA PEACHES
          California grown - 89 cents/lb.

         JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
         Must sell washer and dryer $300.

         WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
         Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

         And the best one?:

         FOR SALE BY OWNER:
         Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed,
         Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Redneck Pick-up Lines
<>
Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

My Love fer you is like diarrhea
I can't hold it in.

Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something
that would break the ice.'

I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.

If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

PATRIOTISM

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

The Fleet