Many thanks to all and special thanks to
 AngOBri, SlingoGMa, JJinPalos, 
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

~ Home Sweet Home ~
Where you can walk without britches
and scratch where it itches.
-
My father said there were two kinds of people
in the world: givers and takers.
The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.
-
The government cannot give to anyone
anything that it does
not first take from someone else
-
According to a recent poll, three out of four Americans
are happy to see President George W. Bush go.
The rest said they didn't understand the question.
-
Perhaps to the idealist, sound sleep
means a clear conscience;
to the realist, it means a good mattress.
-





~ ONE LINERS ~

Sundial: An old timer
-
Being normal is driving me crazy.
-
Truth is the safest lie. ~ Yiddish Proverb
-
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday
-
Marriage is a duet, not a duel.
-
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
-
Bambino: A negative response from the mother
of a famous deer.
 -
Some homeowners are always doing things
around the house that they can't.
-
Since a politician never believes what he is saying,
he's always astonished when other people do.
-
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else
when a beautiful girl enters the room.
-
A youngster told his mother, who was cleaning,
"You never tell me about the dirt I track OUT."
-
How can you tell that there's a drummer at your front door?
Gradually, the knocking gets faster and faster.
-
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
And if you hate me, that means you still care.
-
One nice thing about my salary,
no one will ever hold me for ransom.
-
As an executive, my boss delegates all the authority
shifts all the blame, and takes all the credit.





Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench
outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,
'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'

The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it,
you old fools.'

One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and under shorts and 
we can tell your exact age.'

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it,
he dropped his drawers.  

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times
and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said,
'You're 87 years old!'

Standing with his pants down around his ankles,
the old gent asked,
'How in the world did you guess?'

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear,
the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - - 

'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'

Medical Breakthrough

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was
testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a
portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if
they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining
that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had
ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to
go ahead and kick it up a notch.
 
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain
transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then
checked the husband's blood pressure and was
amazed at how well he was doing.
 
 At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband
continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was
obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband
encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no
pain, and the husband had experienced none.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
 
 However, when they got home they found the UPS man
dead on the porch.




Did you hear about the 83 year old woman
who talked herself out of a speeding ticket
by telling the young officer that she had
to get there before she forgot
where she was going?

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

The Fleet