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ENJOY

"I had to go to analysis.
They told me I had an unresolved Oedipus complex.
Which, according to them, meant I want to
sleep with my mother.

Which is preposterous. My father
doesn't even want to sleep with my mother."

My friend Tom said he stopped watching golf on TV.
His doctor recommended that he get more exercise.
So now he watches tennis.

What your sleeping position says about you:

According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say
the position you sleep in says a lot about you.

They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women
who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep
on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very
popular.

". . . Mr. Cox . . . it's about your team sponsorship . ."

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
 
The shopkeeper asks  "Are they twins"?
 
The woman says  "No, he's 9 and she's 7. 
"Why?  Do you think they look alike?"
 
"No",  he replies,
"I just can't believe you got laid twice"!





Student to teacher: No wonder Monette gets A's in French.
Her parents were born in Paris and speak French at home.

Teacher: So what's your point?

Student: I ought to get A's in geometry,
my parents are square and talk in circles.

"I got something a lot better than his autograph!"

A husband had just finished reading the book,
'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to
know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal,
I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath
so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath,
guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied,
"The fucking funeral director would be my guess".



I asked the clothing store clerk if he had anything to make me
look thinner, and he said,

'How about a week in Bangladesh?"



Two doctors were talking shop while playing a round of golf.

"Well, I did surgery on Mr. Beck the other day," said the surgeon.

"Really? What for?" inquired his colleague.

"About $10,000." replied the surgeon.

"What did he have?" asked the colleague.

"About $10,000!" the surgeon replied with a smirk.

A man was concerned about his wife so he went to the doctor.
"Doctor, you have to help me," he said.
"My wife thinks she's a chicken."

"How long has she had this condition?" asked the doctor.

"It's been about three years now," answered the man.

"Goodness! Why did it take you so long to come and see me about this?"

"We needed the eggs!" the man replied.



An attractive young lady was at the dentist for a tooth extraction.
He gave her the usual "This won't hurt a bit" line before
bending over her with the proper tool in his hand.

Suddenly, he drew back in complete alarm.
"Excuse me, miss," he said in a barely audible whisper,
"but you have hold of my testicles!"

"Yes, I know," she said with a slight grin,
"and we aren't going to hurt each other, now are we?"

 
  and BRING THEM HOME, 
  NOW . . . ALIVE! 

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG,
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS,
ONE NATION UNDER GOD,
INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

HUNK

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On The Jersey Shore

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