Many thanks to all and to
IrockBlue, AngOBri, SlingoGMa, Purplemakesmesmile, 
Nekia, Terrygray11, EWalds8131, Cartoonery
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

" What America MAKES ... MAKES America ! "
BUY AMERICAN PRODUCTS
Help keep our DOLLARS right here in the U.S.A. 

 


My Morning started like this:

Everything was going bad.
I was running late, spilled my coffee, the dog
had an accident and the kids missed the bus.
I was angry, upset, and in an overall crappy mood.
 
When I finally got through the traffic and made it
to my office's parking lot, I ended up scraping
paint with another car driving
the opposite direction in the parking lot.
 
The driver got out of the other car. I was surprised to see
that he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "OK then, which one ARE you?"

That's how the fight started. . .

Why MEN should NOT skinny dip

A man gets his new prescription for Viagra, and starts home
to get ready for when his wife gets home.
 
He calls her on the phone, and she says, "I'll be home in an hour."
 
"Perfect," he thinks.
 
The Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before,
so he takes the Viagra and waits.
 
Well, an hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife...
She calls him on the cell phone and says,
"Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour."
 
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
 
"I've got a hard-on a cat couldn't scratch off and my wife
won't be home for another hour! What should I do?" he asks.
 
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it.
Do you have a housekeeper around?"
 
"Yes" the man replied.
 
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?"

The man then replied with dismay,
"But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper...."



Nine out of ten men prefer women with large breasts,
the tenth man prefers the other nine guys.



A man returned home from the night shift at 8 am,
went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife
with the sheet pulled over her head, feigning sleep.
 
Not to be denied, the horny fellow pulled up the sheet
and proceeded to make love to her.
 
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat,
he was startled to find breakfast on the table
and his wife pouring coffee.
 
"How'd you get down here so fast?", he asked,
"we were just making love."
 
"Oh my God", his wife gasped, "that's my mother up there! She
came over with a headache. I told her to lie down for a while."
 
Rushing upstairs, the woman ran into the bedroom.
 
"Why didn't you say something!", she asked her mother.
 
"I haven't spoken to that jerk in fifteen years", she huffed,
 
"and I wasn't about to start now!"

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. 
Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. 

However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

"Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. 
She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, 
which I think may break her of the habit." 

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: 

"Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because 
I would like to try it out on her mother."

 

"Doc, I've been seeing you for ten years and
you've listened and listened to all my problems
but never interrupted me once.
I've never met a man with such patience.
What's your secret?"  
 
"¿Habla Español?  No hablo ingles."

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? 
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training 
and I was on him constantly. 
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, 
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. 
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny so, of course,
   I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. 

Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. 
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking 
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, 
and I don't have any clothes with me." 
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" 

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, 
because the smell was getting worse. 
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 
"Danny did you have an accident ?" 
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, 
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, 
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



QUOTES

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. 
Will Rogers

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, 
it's too dark to read. 
Groucho Marx

I can't understand why I flunked American history. 
When I was a kid there was so little of it. 
George Burns

Coffee isn't my cup of tea. 
Samuel Goldwyn

I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter 
on a technicality. 
Bob Hope

Drawing on my fine command of the language, 
I said nothing. 
Robert Benchley

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience. 
Arthur Schopenhauer

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, 
back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. 
Robert Orben

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. 
G. K. Chesterton

I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. 
Katherine Hepburn

My wife's friend, a teacher, was discussing compound 
nouns with her class.  "They're made up of two or more 
words," she said.  "For example, 'townhouse' or 'boxcar.'  
Can anyone think of another one?"

One boy raised his hand and offered, "Asphalt."



A woman went to the Governor of Alabama
about getting an early release for her husband
who was serving time in a state penitentiary.

" What's is in for ?", asked the Governor.

" For stealing a ham."

" That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?"

" No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy."

" Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?"

" No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth."

" Why would you want a man like that out of prison?"

" Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell."

The dumbest part of a mans body is his penis.....
It hangs out with a couple of nuts,
lives next door to an asshole
and his best friend is a pussy!



A woman meets a Cowboy in a bar and goes to his room
with him.
She mentions how big his feet are and he says ...
"I'm from Texas ma'am, everything is big there."

When he takes off his shirt she says that he has the
broadest shoulders she ever saw. Again..........

"I'm from Texas ma'am, everything is bigger in Texas ma'am."

Then when he dropped his pants she said
"OMG; I have never seen one that big!"

Again.........."I'm from Texas ma'am,
everything is bigger in Texas ma'am."

They got into bed and he mounted her. Then he said
"Ma'am, you didn't tell me you were from Texas too!"

" What America MAKES ... MAKES America ! "
BUY AMERICAN PRODUCTS
Help keep our DOLLARS right here in the U.S.A. 

We All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World
Now lets think ahead to November.
Keep Informed. Learn the Candidates’ positions on
the important topics of the day and then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.

AND 
BRING THEM HOME,
NOW . . . ALIVE!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

http://www.thecopymacheen.com

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW
JOKES and CARTOONS
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITES.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO INCLUDE THEM
IN FUTURE ISSUES FOR ALL TO ENJOY
Please use the "Feedback" or "E-Mail links.

         

BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL OF VIRUSES,
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS.
ATTACHED FILES WILL BE DELETED.

ALL ISSUES CONTAIN COPY, EITHER
"BORROWED" FROM OTHER PUBLISHERS
OR CONTRIBUTED BY READERS
~~~~ MANY THANKS TO YOU ALL ~~~~
IF YOU SEE AN ITEM WITH COPYRIGHTS, LET ME KNOW
SO THAT PUBLICATION RIGHTS MAY BE PROCURED as well as
 ALLOW ME TO PLACE CREDIT WHERE IT IS RIGHTFULLY DUE.
REMEMBER - IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

For an E-MAIL REMINDER
of every issue !
It's always FREE

If you are reading this and have not yet signed up,

DO IT NOW

and

. . . LET'S US KNOW YOU'RE THERE . . . 

 

SUBSCRIBE  to THE COPY MACHEEN
ajseiler@aol.com

BARNEGAT LIGHTHOUSE

"OLD  BARNEY"
Long Beach Island
Barnegat Light, NJ

  Barnegat Sunset

                                                                       The Fleet