"Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day."

GREETINGS and WELCOME to all the new readers 
who joined us this past year. My sincere thanks 
to those of you, who noted my various 
illnesses both past and current, and 
offered their prayers and best wishes.

May this be the beginning of many years of Health,
Happiness and Prosperity, in Peace, for us all.

The "REMINDER e-MAIL" list continues to grow.
Makes us feel that we must be doing
 something right!
Please remember that we do not write 
the jokes or draw the 'toons. We just pass 
them around to our friends and subscribers.
That way, all of us get a chance to 'laugh a little', 
at least a couple of times a month! We thank 
 you for your attendance and hope that
  we can continue to please you
 with the material selected!

 ENJOY!

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately 
clear  your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
    when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap 
when I was younger.

4.There really is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Why was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. 
    I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you 
how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of forgetful.

10. Bad decisions will make good stories.

11. You never know exactly when, but there comes a moment 
when you know that you just aren't going to do 
anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?
       I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word 
and it asks me if I want to save any changes
to document that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means  
NEVER wash this -- ever.

15.  I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring
 (Hello? Hello? Darn it!),  but when I immediately call back, 
it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What'd you do
drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
      not seeing anyone I know the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know 
      not to answer when they call..

18. I heard a child asked her mother the other day 
"Hey, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?"
 How the heck do you respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given 
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin 
with Miller Lite than Kay.

Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?

He was half nuts!!!




FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER 


Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up
almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you 
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less
with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps..
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter,
I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. 

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish
on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes
in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING.

 Praying for Leroy!

"Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front
at the altar," the Preacher says.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks:
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replies:  "Preacher, I need you to pray for help
with my hearing."
 
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places
the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays
and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands,
stands back and asks,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend,
it ain't 'til next Wednesday."



The classic blonde joke of all time. 
 
A BLONDE SHOT AN ARROW INTO THE AIR.
 
SHE MISSED!

Please DO NOT call Muslims "Towel Heads".

Those are NOT towels on their heads.
They are small sheets like the kind used on a baby's crib.

Now that you are aware, you must start calling them "SHEETHEADS" .
 
You don't have to thank me. I'm just doing this as a public service.........

 

The package.
Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.
The postmaster says, 
"This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp."

Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?"

The car driver
Cyril was driving down High Road when he gets 
pulled over by a policeman.
Walking up to Cyril's car, the policeman says, 
"I've come to tell you that your wife fell out your car 
some 2 miles back."

Cyril replies, "Thank goodness, I thought I'd gone deaf."
 


Ruth and Golda were walking along First Street.

Ruth says, "My son Irving is getting married. 
He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... 
he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.

Golda says, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, 
and can he catch it?"

Ruth replies, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear 
about Irving's engagement - it's time he settled down. 
As far as the herpes goes...who knows?"

"Well," says Golda, "I have a very good medical dictionary 
at home. I'll look it up and call you."

So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. 

"Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. 
It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."

Rivkah, a little old lady get on an El Al flight to Israel. 
She's carrying a bag, a purse and a little dog in a box. 
She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.

A stewardess approaches Rivkah and says, 
"I'm sorry Madam, but you can't keep the dog here. 
I'll have to take it and put it in baggage."

Rivkah agrees. What else can she do?

During the flight, the stewardess looks in on the little dog,
and finds the dog is dead. She informs the pilot who notifies 
Tel Aviv airport who tells the director who decides 
that they will get an other dog to replace this one. 
The little old lady will never know.

When the plane lands and Rivkah goes to the baggage hall 
to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, 
an exact replica of her old dog. 

"This is not my dog", Rivkah exclaims.

"Why yes it is," the captain tells her. 
"See, it has the same markings."

"This is not my dog", Rivkah insists.

"How do you know this isn't your dog?" asks the captain.

"Because . . My dog was dead!