Many thanks to all and to
sammy625, Nekia, Trish, Heartlast7, Nita'sNiche, 
Tootsie, Ginni128, MRuss74101, AngOBri, 
Complex01,OldHippie4
for contributing to the content of today's page.

"Start every day off with a smile - and get it over with!"

" What America MAKES ... MAKES America ! "
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Help keep our DOLLARS right here in the U.S.A. 

 

A guy goes into the Job Center in New York and
sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details about this?"
he asks the fellow behind the desk.

The Job Center guy sifts through his files and replies,
"Oh - yes here it is... OK, the job entails you
getting patients ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear,
lie them down and wash their nether regions.
Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their
pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they're
ready for the gynecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of $55,000
but I'm afraid you'll have to go to Harvard in Boston."

"Oh why, is that where the job's based?"

"No - that's where the end of the line is"

Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a
violent earthquake occurred at 3 AM. As soon as morning
came, the man went down to the hotel lobby to read the
newspaper about what had happened. As he was reading the
newspaper, a local gentlemen step up and ask him if he
had felt the earthquake during the night.

"I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the
mainland, and I have felt other earthquakes, but I have
never felt a quake like that one, it was terrible. I
thought the building was going to come down on us."

The guy asks, "What were you doing during the earthquake?"

"Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life
as that earthquake was happening."

"Is that right?" "And what did your wife think about it?"

Morris said, "Well, it damn near woke her up!





A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers,

"I can lick any man in the place!"

The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says,

"Crude, but direct.
Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"

CONTINUING EDUCATION
DEFINITIONS  101

"POLITICAL CORRECTNESS"

"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional
illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an
unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds
forth the proposition that it is entirely possible
to pick up a turd by the clean end."

 "BACHELOR"

- One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
- One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts
having a good time.
- One who failed to embrace his opportunities.
- One who is a free male.
- One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.




" MAE WEST "

A hard man is good to find.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it -
come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me
are the number you get in a diamond.

I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I speak two languages - Body and English.

click  Mae West

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A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two new dogs, and asked her what their
   names were. The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one
   was named Timex. Her friend said,

"Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?"

 "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
of the word "service". The act of doing things for other people.
Then I heard these service terms:

Internal Revenue Service,
Postal Service,
Civil Service,
Telephone Service,
Service Stations,
A O L Service Desk,
Customer Service,
City/County Public Service.

And I became confused about the word "service.
This is not what I thought "service" meant.

Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them
mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows.

SHAZAM!! It all came into perspective. Now I understand
what all those "service" agencies are doing to us...

One evening, a wise old Cherokee told his grandson
about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between
two "wolves" inside us all..

  One is Evil.
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.

 The other is Good.
 It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
 
The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf wins?"
 
 The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one you feed."



After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date,
the young lady decided she had been stood up. Exasperated,
she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers,
fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner than she flopped down in front of the
TV, her door bell rang. There stood her date.

He took one look at her and gasped,

 "I'm two hours late and you're still not ready?"

GRANDPA'S FISH
1. Rented boat = $75.00
2. Bait = $ 10.00
3. Camera film = $22.50
4. Showing the world that BIG fish
and having it posted on the Internet


Priceless !



A Norwegian Story
 
Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he
accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da
emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar
DA Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said,

'Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do.'

Ole said, 'I haven't got da finkers.'

'Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?'  Lord-it's 2007
and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new!
Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?'

Ole says, 'How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?'



Two businessmen in New York City are sitting down for
a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn't ready --
only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other,
"I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by,
put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough,
a curious hillbilly from the South walks to the window,
has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks,
"What're y'all sellin' here?"

One of the men replies,
"Oh! We're selling assholes here."

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says,
"Well, I see y'all are doing really good!
Ya'll only got two left!"

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1.  to be shot
2.  to be hung
3.  to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head."
Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me."
Snap! he was dead.

Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing.

The guards looked at each other and wondered what
was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said,
"Give me another one of those shots."

The guards did. Now he was laughing so hard,
tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said,

"What's wrong with you?"

The Redneck replied,
"You guys are so stupid.....
I'm wearing a condom."

Well . . .
Sometimes Life IS a Bitch!

You come home after a long, hard work day.
You really hope that your unemployed and not so intelligent wife
at least has cooked some dinner for you.

You struggle to get up the steps, find the key and open the door
to your residence, and then you find your wife sitting there
on her ass, eating dinner that she has cooked for HERSELF ONLY!
 
Unbelievable. She has been home the whole day and she
couldn't even cook you dinner.

You think to your self, Why the Hell did I
Marry Her??????



 

NEXT QUESTION..






" What America MAKES ... MAKES America ! "
BUY AMERICAN PRODUCTS
Help keep our DOLLARS right here in the U.S.A. 

We All Continue To Hope That
Happier Days Are Ahead For The World
Now lets think ahead to November.
Keep Informed, then
Vote your conscience with a
Sensitive Regard for Fairness and Justice.

AND 
BRING THEM HOME,
NOW . . . ALIVE!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace."
                                                              Jimi Hendrix

" WOW "

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