A BIG ADVANTAGE
IF HE DIVORCES HER HE COULD STILL
KEEP THE PICTURE ON HIS DESK

TAXI

A devout Arab Muslim enters a taxi. Once seated he asks the cab driver 
to turn off the radio, because he must not hear music as decreed by 
his religion because, in the time of the prophet, there was no
 music, especially Western music which is music of the 
infidels and certainly no radio ........

So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, 
stops the cab and opens the back door.

The Arab asks him, "What are you doing, man?"

The cabby answers, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, 
so get out and wait for a fucking camel!"

MALE FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,

"Will you marry me?".

The Princess said, "No!!!"

and . . .

the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny
long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars 
and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey,
beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid
child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his
house and guns and ate hot dogs and potato chips and
beans and never got cheated on while at work and
all his friends and family thought he was
frikin cool as hell and he had tons of
money in the bank and left
the toilet seat up and
lives happily ever after!

The End





JEWISH JOKES



Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married,
and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. 
- -
Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours
- -
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for dinner?
A: They put them in the car
- -
Q: What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft
and her nails long?
A: Nothing at all
- -
Q: Define "genius"
A: An average student with a Jewish mother
- -
Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat
- -
Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal
in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes 550SL convertible
- -
One of life's mysteries - how a 2 Ib. box of chocolates
can make a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
- -
Another of life's mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs
something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
- -
The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited
about nothing; then they marry him.
--

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them
and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. 

The woman's husband also comes home. 

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing 
that the little boy is in there already. 

The little boy says, "Dark in here." 

The man says, "Yes, it is." 

Boy - "I have a baseball." 

Man - "That's nice." 

Boy - "Want to buy it?" 

Man - "No, thanks." 

Boy - "My dad's outside." 

Man - "OK, how much?" 

Boy - "$250" 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together. 

Boy - "Dark in here." 

Man - "Yes, it is." 

Boy - "I have a baseball glove." 

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" 

Boy - "$750" 

Man - "Fine." 

A few days later, the father says to the boy, 
"Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." 

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." 
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" 

Boy - "$1,000" 

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like 
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going
to take you to church and make you confess." 

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the 
confession booth and he closes the door. 

The boy says, "Dark in here." 

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again." 

 A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't
want to spend a lot of money.

"How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.

"Anything from $2 to $2,000."

"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said:
"You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string
down into your pocket."

"How does it work?" asked the customer.

"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman.
"But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."




Blonde on Blonde

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports
car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also
blonde. The blonde cop asked to see her driver's license.

She dug through her handbag and was getting progressively
more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied,
"It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it,
and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it
back saying,
"OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."





WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER,
QUESTION A DRUNK... 

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
 
         A half-gallon of 2% milk 
         A carton of eggs 
         A quart of orange juice 
         A head of lettuce 
         A 2 lb. can of coffee 
         A 1 lb. package of bacon 

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out,
a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in
front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up
the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.
 I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about my selections that
could have tipped off the drunk
to my marital status.. 

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said ,
'Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, ‘Cause you're ugly’.

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